The Moons of Iego: The Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker Website

FAN FICTION : ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

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Love Caught in a Broken Promise

by Daenarrah

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Summary: Sometimes our dreams are the only place a promise can be kept. AU. Padmé, Anakin/Vader.

Time Frame: Immediately post Episode III

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader or Padmé Amidala. They’re property of Uncle George.

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Would he make it tonight? She didn’t know and all Padmé could do was wait, wonder, and hope. It wouldn’t be the first time he hadn’t made it to see her and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. Despite their best efforts to spend time together, the war often had other plans for Anakin. There were several times he had contacted her telling her he couldn’t make it, and she lost count of the number of times he simply didn’t show up. She tried not to get too upset about it -- she knew what her husband was doing was important for the survival of the Republic -- but she couldn’t help the suffocating pain that crushed her heart every time one of their special nights went by without him by her side.

She knew Anakin felt the same excruciating sting; she could feel his heart ache and reach out to her in longing. Sometimes she was certain she felt his arms around her, holding her in a tender embrace. ‘I’m sorry, Padmé,’ she was certain she’d hear him whisper in her ear. ‘I love you and I promise I’ll be with you soon. Wait for me as I set everything right.’ Then it would be gone. She never truly knew if it was Anakin reaching out to her from across the stars and it didn’t matter. It was those precious encounters, even if they were nothing more than passion’s whims that made the distance between them bearable.

So, she wondered if he’d make it tonight. Padmé felt all hope sink when she looked at the chronometer on the night side table. It said 0043. If he was not here by now chances were he wouldn’t be. Sorrow filled her up inside and she slowly turned her head to look at the empty side of the bed - Anakin’s side. Stretching her hand out she hesitated to rest her fingers on the undisturbed fabric of the comforter. It was almost as if doing so would force her to admit he wasn’t there, possibly that he never had been. Bringing her hand abruptly to her mouth, she shook her head as she stifled a bitter cry of anguish. She wasn’t going to think that way. He was going to make it. He was going to be there. He had to be.

A flickering flash of light from outside the balcony doors caught her eye and Padmé quickly got up to see what it was. Was it Ani’s starfighter? She could only hope, even though she knew he would be breaking Naboo’s No Fly zone. She didn’t care, however. Not if it meant finally seeing her husband. Rushing to the doors, she pulled them open and ran out onto the balcony, searching the sky frantically for any sign of Anakin. All the while, her heart beat loud and heavy in her throat.

It dropped after a few moments, plummeting to the very bottom of her stomach. The light she saw wasn’t from a starfighter. And for some reason, one she couldn’t explain, the scene before her summoned a feeling that something was wrong - it either had already happened or was about to.

Off in the distance a great dark storm was brewing and brilliant streaks of lightning flashed silently across the sky. From the look of things, it was heading her way and Padmé knew it would not be long before it was over Varykino. “How appropriate,” she whispered, shaking off the bad feeling. It was just a storm. ‘Bring in the rain. Maybe it can wash away my sorrows.’ As if hearing her mournful words, a loud clap of thunder answered in reply. Padmé jumped the slightest bit, and then looked out into the stormy night. Not lost in the coincidence of it all, a sad smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. Turning around she walked back into the bedchamber, pushing the doors closed behind her. Making her way to bed, she lit the candle lamp sitting next to the chronometer. It was in remembrance of another night without him. It also served to keep the shadows and the anxiety she felt moments ago at bay. Padmé then slipped silently back under the covers and nestled down for another lonely night’s sleep.

She lay awake waiting for the rain to come, each moment that passed pulling her deeper into her sadness and misery. She finally unleashed the torrent of tears that had been threatening to spill over when she heard the unmistakable sounds of raindrops splattering on the roof. Rolling onto her side, she curled herself up into a ball and let the tears fall unbidden. “I love you, Anakin. Wherever you are. Whatever’s become of you, I love you…And always will.” she murmured through a throat thick with sobs. Not long after she was a sleep, allowing her pain to be drowned out by the falling rain.

---

She didn’t know at first what woke her but something caused her to stir from her sleep, pulling her from a restless slumber. In her hazy mind, she thought she felt a presence, one warm and comforting, but she knew she was wrong. She had felt this before and it had always proven to be false. Anakin wasn’t there. He was thousands of kilometers away and the only thing she could hope for was to maybe feel him through the Force. The presence was still there, however, surrounding her.

That’s when she felt the hand on her stomach and the soft whisper of her name in her ear. “Padmé.”

Her mind propelled itself awake, thrusting up through the layers of sleep. She quickly turned to see if what she felt and heard was real. The sight that greeted her was too good to be true.

“Anakin?” she cried softly, almost in disbelief. There, lying in bed beside her was her husband. Slight shadows danced across his face and the candle light flickered brightly in his eyes. She took in the small smile that graced his lips and immediately brought her hands up to his face, touching him to make sure he was real. “You’re here. You’re really here.” She didn’t know how long he had been there but it didn’t matter. “I can’t believe- Flesh and bone. You’re real. You’re not a shadow or a dream. You’re really here.”

“Of course I’m here, Padmé,” Anakin told her, taking hold of her hands and sitting up while trying to suppress a laugh. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Sometimes he found simple amusement in how frantic she would get when he’d be with her. It was as if she was never going to see him or touch him again. Like some unseen force was going to rip him from her and imprison him for all eternity.

Swallowing down the lump that rose in her throat Padmé took a moment to compose herself. “It’s just…the war- I never know- And it’s so late. I didn’t think you’d make it. I thought I’d be here alone again and not be able to see you.”

“Sh, sh,” he admonished softly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. He lay back on the bed and draped her petite body over his. “Everything’s fine. I’m here now. I always will be. Nothing’s going to change that.” He ran his flesh hand across her shoulder and down her arm while the fingers on his metal one played gently with her curls.

“I know,” Padmé said with a sigh, snuggling in close to him. The two lay in peaceful silence just enjoying each other’s company before she spoke again. “I hate what the war is doing to us. I fear every day of losing you, that I’ll never see you again. Or if I do, you won’t be the man I love. That something will be different about you. That you’ll have changed into someone I don’t know anymore.”

Furrowing his brow, Anakin moved the two of them so they were laying on their sides looking at each other. “Why these thoughts, Padmé?” he asked, concerned by what he could see only as irrational words that came from her mouth. Usually he was the one who spoke in such a manner.

“I don’t know,” she replied, breaking eye contact with him and burying her face into the pillow. She suddenly felt ashamed by what she had said. Especially since she didn’t know where the words came from herself.

“Padmé,” Anakin began, reaching out to take her chin between his thumb and forefinger and making her look at him. “The war is changing me. That’s something that can’t be helped. Every day I see bloodshed and people dying. I don’t like it but there’s nothing I can do. I have to harden myself to it, try not to let it affect me, but it does. Every day that I’m away from you it does.” The words he spoke next were soft and full of love, hoping to convey to Padmé he understood how she felt and that she had nothing to be afraid of. “But knowing I’ll be seeing you again, and holding and loving you is what gets me through. It helps me remember who I really am. So, I’ll always be the man you love. I’ll always be your husband, Padmé. Nothing will ever change that.”

He then reached up to wipe away a stray tear that was rolling down her cheek and towards her nose. “I love you,” he murmured, leaning in to give her a kiss.

It quickly became passionate and Padmé felt overwhelmed by all he had said. Her heart raced with an uncontrollable need to be with him and she knew there was nothing she could do to stop it. “Love me, Anakin,” she mumbled, clinging to him tightly. “Please, love me. I need to feel you. I need to know you’re real and alive.”

“Padmé?” Anakin pulled away from her and searched her eyes, confusion clouding his own for a moment. When he saw the hunger burning in them he understood all too well. There had been times he looked at her the same way and needed the same thing.

“Ani, please. I need this,” she added, fearing he didn’t understand her request.

“I know,” he whispered, pulling her to him once more and giving her what she so desperately needed.

After, they lay in each other's arms, tired but content and listening to the sound of the rain as it continued to fall and break against the roof. Padmé let the patter lull her into a peaceful sleep, but before she gave in to slumber, she asked Anakin in a sleepy voice, “Promise you’ll never leave me, you’ll never let me go.”

Tilting his head to look down at her, Anakin felt a whimsical grin break across his face. He could remember all the times he had said something similar to her when they had been together. He wanted her to hold him forever and promise they could stay that way for all eternity.

“Please, Ani, promise me,” Padmé murmured when he didn’t answer.

“I promise, Padmé. I promise I’ll never let you go. The fires of hell couldn’t make me leave you.”

He was certain he heard a soft ‘thank you’; in the next moment she was asleep.

Anakin held her close, drawing light patterns on her back. Being pulled closer to sleep his thoughts wandered to the behavior she had displayed once he found his way into bed. Usually he was the one frantic to hold her and touch her and love her. Never letting go as if he was afraid that if he did he’d never see her again. But then, their lovemaking was always like that: heated and passionate and both acting like they couldn’t get enough of each other and never wanting the moment to end. Tonight, however… Anakin had never known Padmé to love him with such an intensity as she had here. She clung onto him with such fierce delight and desire. Loving him was not enough, she had to possess him. He smiled remembering so many nights he had been the same way. Not long after he joined Padmé in slumber, wishing that every time could be like that.

While the couple slept, a darkness slowly began to creep into the room, silent and undetected.

----

This time Padmé knew what woke her up. Her sleep had been invaded by the heavy, rhythmic sounds of someone breathing. It was so horrible that when it seeped into her subconscious it set off alarms that rang out in frantic warning and dragged her from her slumber. Loud and harsh, it set her nerves on end and made her skin crawl. She could hear it reverberate off the walls of the bedchamber as well as in her head. Someone or something was in her room; she could feel them hovering over her. She dreaded coming fully awake. It would mean having to face whatever was in front of her and she did not want to find out what was near.

The movement of Anakin next to her brought her completely out of sleep. When that happened, the horrifying breathing stopped.

Padmé slowly opened her eyes and looked around the bedchamber. Long, dark shadows danced low along the walls reminding her that the candle still held onto life. The patter of rain on the roof had become heavier and thunder rumbled its way around the house. But there was no harsh breathing to fray her nerves nor was there any figure to accompany it.

Turning to look at Anakin all she heard now was his steady breathing as he slept next to her. Studying his face she noticed how serene he looked and she smiled a comforting smile. Snuggling up close to him, she allowed herself to be lulled back to sleep.

Movement from Anakin pulled her awake once more. He abruptly turned on his back and a harsh breath rasped out of his body. “Padmé.” he mumbled, followed by other words she could not understand. He began to toss and turn and say her name again. Other words followed, and those she could make out. They told her he did not want her to go. She had to stay with him. Padmé did not understand and the way her husband thrashed about frightened her. He was having a nightmare, one about her. Reaching out to him, she knew she had to wake him and save him from whatever the horrors were in his mind.

Padmé never got that chance. Anakin woke with a start, bolting upright and inhaling loud and sharp. The hissing breath that then escaped him reminded Padmé of the sound that pulled her awake just moments earlier. It continued and it sent a gripping chill up her back that leeched out to settle uncomfortably under her skin. It was followed by a sharp feeling of dread and Padmé stared at her husband with a growing sense of trepidation. Something was wrong, very wrong.

All Anakin could feel was his heart beating painfully in his chest and the blood drumming loudly in his ears. They formed a cadence he tried to catch his breath to, but try as hard as he might he could not do it. It was almost as if another was trying to breathe for him, forcing the air in and out in intervals it deemed correct. It was painful and Anakin knew he could not tolerate it for much longer. Closing his eyes tight, he focused all his energy and turned it inward. He found what could only be described as a dark grip surrounding his chest and squeezing in on his breathing. With a shove from the Force, he removed it, pushing it away and allowing the air to fill and leave his lungs as they should.

His breath staggered now but it was his own. Images from his dream poured into his mind, assaulting him and bombarding him like a great deluge. They thrashed about, scraping at the mental walls and trying to tear his defenses down. What he had seen in the dream terrified him and he did not want to see it again. The images tormented him enough in his sleep, and he did not want or need them to do the same while awake. Shaking his head in stiff, jerky movements, he twisted the comforter tightly up around his hands. He felt like he was stuck in a losing battle.

He would have cried out if it were not for the soft hand that touched his lower back.

“Anakin…” he heard Padmé whisper.

Turning around to look down at her, he saw the uncertainty in her eyes and knew immediately he had scared her. His heart tightened in anguish knowing he had done that.

A brief thought flickered through his mind: Who was scared more, him or her?

No answer came to him. Instead, he lay back down and pulled Padmé into his arms. Holding her to him as tight as he could. He was not about to let go. He was afraid he would lose her if he did.

“Anakin, what’s wrong?” Padmé asked, her arm coming to wrap around his waist. Her words were muffled a bit by her face being smothered into his chest.

A heavy silence filled the room, with the exception of Anakin’s slightly erratic breathing. Bending his head to rub his face in her hair he finally answered in a shaky voice. “A dream…It was a dream.”

His breath seemed to be evening out and Padmé looked up at him. She was not sure what to say so she brought her hand up to cup his face and run her thumb across his cheek.

The comforting gesture was enough to encourage Anakin to go on. “I was losing you. You were going away,” he continued, his voice sounded broken and the words came out in short staccato bursts. “No matter what I did I couldn’t keep you with me.

“And the laughter-” His voice seemed to splinter at those words. “It was all around me - so cold and…and evil! And I couldn’t move. Something was holding me down. I couldn’t go to you. And it- He-” He paused, taking in a quick shuttering breath while trying to figure out what he wanted to say. Trying to figure out what it was that had taunted him in his dream. He furrowed his brows deep in thought over his eyes. “It wouldn’t let me…” he finally said, his voice almost a whisper.

“What wouldn’t let you?” Padmé asked, confused by Anakin’s words and behavior. She tried to will him to look at her but he would not. Instead, his eyes darted about and, sadly, the glow from the candlelight let her see the anxiety and fear in them.

“I don’t know.” he responded quickly. “I couldn’t see. Everything was red…and you-” He finally looked down at Padmé and she could see the turmoil more clearly now. “You were gone. I had no idea where you were or how to find you.”

“Anakin,” she started only to be abruptly stopped as he seemed to ramble on in a desperate tone.

“I won’t lose you, Padmé. I can’t. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you with me. I promise. Nothing will keep us apart.”

The words he said next sent a chill down Padmé’s back.

“I-I won’t let the darkness separate us. I don’t care what it does to me; I won’t let it take you away from me.”

Padmé continued to look at her husband and for a moment she thought she was gazing upon a stranger. His eyes shone now with a wild desperation she had never seen before and there was a hard glint that told her he was hiding something. Something she would not like. It made her feel uncomfortable and she looked away, not able to peer into the eyes of the man she loved so much. The man who was not there at that moment.

Hearing him whisper her name compelled her to look up again and when she did the man she knew had returned. He looked down at her with blue eyes that were troubled and longed for her to tell him everything was going to be all right. Taking her cue Padmé carefully pulled out of Anakin’s hold and gripping his shoulders guided them so she was lying on her back and his head was resting on her chest. Wrapping her arms around him, she twined her fingers into his hair, lightly playing with the curls.

“It was just a dream, Ani,” she murmured softly. “It was only a dream. I’m here and nothing is ever going to change that.”

“Promise?” he asked, the need to know evident in his voice.

“I promise,” she answered hoping the vow she made would assuage his fears.

Padmé listened as Anakin’s breathing became long and even. She knew he was asleep again and she leaned forward to kiss the top of his head. Laying there she thought about his dream. So many times when they were able to be together his sleep was haunted by them. And they were always the same: his fear of losing her, of never making it back from the war to see or touch her. They always tore him from whatever peaceful sleep he was able to get which, unfortunately, was not often. But tonight…something was different. His words alone told her that. Never before had he spoken of darkness separating them and in a matter that it would change him.

Padmé held Anakin closer, making a small promise to herself that she wouldn’t let that happen. Not long after, while listening to the steady sound of the rain that still fell outside, she drifted back into sleep.

While they slept, a darkness slowly began to creep further into the room.

----

Padmé woke once again that night, uncertain this time what had caused it. It was not the sound of thunder; the rain had stopped. She had made a quick mental note of this - why, she was not exactly sure but she tucked it away in the back of her mind. She immediately noticed afterward that Anakin was no longer in her arms and when she turned on her side, she noticed he was no longer in bed. The covers were thrown back and, reaching out, the mattress felt cold. How long had he been up? Had another dream come to him?

Sitting up and looking around she saw him standing in front of the doors that lead out to the balcony. From what little light was left from the burning candle she could see he stood in his meditative pose and it looked like his thumbs were looped into the waistband of his sleep pants. He just stood there, stock still and seemingly staring off at the world beyond the doors.

“Anakin,” she called but he did not answer. “Anakin, come back to bed,” she tried once more. She was still greeted by silence.

A frown marred her face and she watched her husband a few moments, wondering what was wrong. Knowing there was only one way to find out she got out of bed and went to him.

“Anakin,” she called again. Still nothing. She felt frustration simmering at his lack of response. She then put her hand on his back. “Anakin, what’s wrong?”

Anakin moved away from Padmé’s touch, stepping forward toward the doors. This startled her and she instantly felt the frustration change over to uncertainty and trepidation. She stood speechless watching, not sure what to do.

“Every time I love something I lose it,” Anakin began without preamble, his voice monotone and devoid of emotion. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try to hang onto it it’s always taken away from me in the end.”

“Ani, what are you talking about?” she asked slow and careful. Confusion colored her words. She did not like how he sounded and she could feel her heart fill up with worry.

“I failed,” he continued, his back still to her. “I couldn’t save my mother.” He turned his head slightly; enough to give her a shadowed glimpse of his profile, also to let her know his next words were for her. “I couldn’t save you either.”

Padmé grew more confused and frightened with each passing moment, yet she wanted to understand what Anakin was talking about. “Save me from what? Anakin-”

“From myself,” he cut her off. His tone was hard and clipped and it sent a shiver up Padmé’s spine. “Everything that I’ve done, that I’ve become, you despise. I did it for you, Padmé, but you were still taken away from me.”

“Ani, you’re scaring me.” Padmé could not have said truer words. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest and she felt anxiety coil around it. She did not understand what Anakin was talking about and why it all was so cryptic. She was afraid to find out but she knew she had to. “Please, what are you talking about? How have I been taken away from you? What have you done that I despise?”

In that moment, the shadows that had crept along the walls and had made their way into the room sprung forward. The candle was snuffed out and the room was plunged into darkness. The balcony doors suddenly burst open allowing in the light of the newly exposed and falling moon. Padmé screamed Anakin’s name but the sight and sound that greeted her was one of sheer dread, pain and remorse. Her husband had whipped around to face her but it was not him who she now saw.

It was someone dark and ominous and lurking behind a sinister mask of black: Darth Vader.

She remembered how she had broken down when Obi-Wan gave her the devastating news about what had become of her husband.

A small surprised gasp left her lips and her eyes opened wide in shock and horror.

Silence permeated the room and finding it served his purpose well Vader began talking, ‘explaining’ himself. “Everything!” he exclaimed in a voice that rumbled low and harsh through the mask. The one that used to touch Padmé with velvet caresses was gone and she felt her heart breaking. He started to walk towards her, each step slow and measured. “And all of it, Padmé, was done for you. To save you, save us. But you didn’t want it. Instead, you left it behind. I could not hold on to you and now you’re gone.

“I’ll bring you back, and you’ll never leave my side. You’ll be where you belong. I promise you, Padmé.

“The darkness has me; soon it’ll have you too.”

Those words sent Padmé spinning as a blade sharp with terror sliced down her spine.

“Never!” she vehemently said back.

----

Padmé woke with a violent start. Her body shuddered and her eyes flew open wide while her breath came out in short ragged rasps. Lying motionless, she willed herself to relax yet her body was so tense she thought it might snap. It took several long breaths before she was able to calm down. Taking in the scenery around her, she realized it had been a dream; it had all been a horrible dream.

Closing her eyes again, Padmé knew it was much more than that. She could not escape the images that flashed in her mind. It was a nightmare, one that had just begun and that she was destined to live the rest of her life in.

Looking at the balcony doors, she watched the morning sun shine through and chase away the shadows that haunted her the night before. It vanquished the intruders, banishing them to the far corners and beyond. The only shadow that could not be cast away was the one that wrapped itself around her heart.

Padmé lay there a bit longer, her eyes unblinking and staring off into nothing. She did not want to look but she knew she had to. Slowly turning her head, she gazed at the spot where her husband once lied next to her. It was empty now, cold and still. There were no creases in the comforter and the bedding looked untouched. Anakin had not been there. Not that night, for all she knew, not any night. Her hand reached out to touch the soft fabric and that was when she knew he was gone. Anakin was truly gone, never to return to her. The darkness had claimed him, destroying the man he used to be and replacing it with a monster. She did not know the thing he had become and she didn’t want to.

She knew better, however. The dream told her as much. Anakin may be gone to her but she was hardly gone to him. He would not stop until he had her with him again. He promised as much; he'd never let her go. Darth Vader would not stop until he had her by his side, together in darkness. Padmé would never allow it.

Bringing her hand to her mouth, she closed her eyes tight and stifled the sob that wanted to break free. Blinking back the tears, she told herself they were not going to fall. Not anymore. She had cried enough. She had to be strong now.

Getting out of bed, Padmé made her way to the balcony doors, pulled them open and looked out across the horizon to the morning sun. Taking a deep breath, she let her mind wander back to the dream once more and to the promises the two of them had made what seemed an eternity ago. Bowing her head, her spirit faltered a bit. It hurt to acknowledge the pain she felt knowing she was the one who had to break them…and knowing Anakin - Darth Vader was the one who would keep them no matter what. She knew there was no other choice. She loved her husband but she despised what he had become…Just like he had said to her in her dream. She knew she could not be with him. It hurt to remember that was what she had once so desperately wanted.

Walking away from the balcony, Padmé would not let herself wallow in self-pity and loss. Setting her shoulders straight and firm and her chin held high in determination she thought about what lie ahead of her. The path was long and dangerous but it was one she was determined to take. There was one part of it, however, she did not like but she knew it was for the best, it was for her safety.

----

Clean and dressed and the few things she had with her packed up, Padmé looked around the bedchamber for what she knew would be the very last time. She would miss this place and all the wonderful memories it held for her, but she had more important things to do. She had a Rebellion to help lead…and she had to keep herself safely away from Darth Vader. She would not let him pull her into darkness. That was one promise she did not want to but knew, painfully, she would keep.

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