The Moons of Iego: The Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker Website

FAN FICTION : ATTACK OF THE CLONES ERA

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The Love of a Jedi
(Chapters 8-end)

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Chapter 8

As 3PO served the morning meal to his masters, he observed that both Master Anakin and Miss Padmé were unusually detached and incommunicative. They ate their meals in a mechanical fashion, and hardly spoke with one another. From his occasional observations of the Lars family, he determined there was a high probability that there was something amiss between the two. His experiences also told him that attempting to intervene in such a situation was likely to prove counterproductive, so he determined that it would be prudent to remain neutral in the situation.

Finished with his meal, Anakin rose abruptly and left the serving area. Padmé watched him leave, then got up and went after him. R2 beeped in concern, and started following her.

"R2, where do you think you're going?" 3PO said. R2 ignored him and continued to follow her. 3PO was thoroughly exasperated with the conduct of his companion. "I don't know why he never listens to me," 3PO bemoaned to no one in particular.

R2 followed along behind Padmé and beeped to get her attention. She stopped and turned around. "What is it, R2?"

R2 communicated his concerns in a series of whistling tones. Padmé managed a weak smile.

"It's okay, R2. Anakin and I just need to talk. We're fine."

R2 wasn't totally convinced, and asked for confirmation."Yes, R2, I mean it. Now, go on, go and keep 3PO company."

R2 was not at all happy with that suggestion, and noted as such. But Padmé stood firm, and in the end the droid had no choice but to obey its master. R2 turned around and headed back to the galley. She sighed and resumed walking up to the second deck, until she reached the entrance to the passenger quarters.

Pressing the entrance signal, the door opened. Padmé walked into the cramp space; there was barely room to stand. Anakin was lying down on the bunkbed. She walked over and sat next to him. "Can we talk now?" she asked.

Anakin sighed. "What more is there to say? If we truly love each other, and want to be with each other for the rest of their lives, there is only one thing we can do." He sat up and looked at her, a gentle _expression on his face. "And if it means I must leave the Jedi Order to do it, so be it."

"Why does it matter so much? Marriage is not the only way people can express their love for each other."

His gaze hardened. "Does that mean your father didn't have to marry your mother? Would it have been better for them, for everyone, if they were just lovers, like you want us to be?"

"My parents are not the issue," she responded stiffly. "This is about you and me. I'm trying to make it work for us, why aren't you helping me?"

"Because if I don't marry you, how can I say my love for you is real?" he said. "I want to marry you, I need to marry you. If we don't, I'm afraid... " he started to speak, then stopped. He turned away, covering his eyes.

"Why are you so afraid if we are not married? She was incredulous. "Ani, do you really think that after all we've been through together, all we've endured, that I would abandon you because I don't have the official title of wife?"

Anakin turned back to face her, his eyes bright and moist. "It's not you I fear; it's me," he whispered. "If I don't leave the Jedi, not only can I not be your husband." He paused, uneasy about the subject he was about to broach. "I... I won't be able to be a father for your children."

Children... that was something Padmé had thought a great deal about. "Anakin, of course you can! I want you to be the father of our children-with, or without being married. Because I love you, I want to have a family with you alone." There, she had said it, the unmentionable thoughts that had swirled within her ever since she realized her feelings for him. Having said what she had so long pondered and agonized over, it provided her with strength, as she laid bare the deepest desire of her heart. The rightness of her actions never seemed greater to her.

She wants me to be the father of her children! An even more impossible truth to behold than her love for him. He was barely twenty himself; it seemed only yesterday that he was a little boy, cleaning the storage rooms in Watto's shop, racing with Kitster, watching freighters land and take off from the Mos Espa space port, dreaming of the future. And now here he was, pondering the possibility of his children. Their children. It was too much to take in at once; he collapsed on his bed and stared up blankly at the ceiling.

"You would have me be the father of your...our children, without being married," he said softly. "Tell me, whose future are we risking here?"

Angrily, she replied, "There's no risk for me, if that's what you're thinking. They won't expel a Senator for having children alone!"

Sadly, Anakin shook his head. She did not understand, or she refused to understand. "It's not an issue of scandal or career. It never was, Padmé. Don't you remember what happens to infants after six months of age?"

Padmé considered his words; suddenly, she realized that one did not just study to be a Jedi; one had to be born a Jedi. "They're tested for their potential in the Force. And if they have that potential..." her voice trailed away, but the anguish on her face was unmistakable. Then they are taken away. She recoiled at the idea; a dread deeper than anything she had ever known filled her. The thought of losing Anakin back on Geonosis was nothing compared to the possibility of being forced to give up her children, never to see them again. It was unthinkable; she hurriedly dismissed it from her mind, before it drove her to madness. Still, his words had so deeply wounded her, she had to turn away to gather herself.

An immense anger began to build within Anakin. It seemed no matter where he turned, they stood in the way of his happiness. First, with his mother, then with Padmé. And even if he were to leave the Order, they would still be pursuing him, waiting to strike and tear any family he would be able to have with her apart. It all came back to his love for her; a love, he now realized, that could only bring her pain. As wild thoughts of violence and impossible schemes to evade detection filled his mind, his willpower abruptly collapsed; it all seemed so pointless, and it would do nothing to comfort her. Despair filled his heart.

Anakin straightened; there was only one thing to do, much as it pained him, and would pain her. "I'm sorry, my Lady. Obi-Wan, the Jedi were right. It can never be. I can't be the father for your children; they might take them away, I can't risk that. And if I can't be a father for your children, I can't be your husband, officially or not." He paused, barely able to even think what he was about to say, let alone say it. "Maybe... maybe it would have been better if we had never fallen in love in the first place. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

He turned away from her, a final act of rejection. Padmé's heart was shattered; she couldn't even speak her rage or grief. She fled the room. Not until she reached her chambers did the tears come, but when they did, Padmé let them flow freely, as she mourned all she had just lost.

Chapter 9

C3PO was programmed to understand humans, to tolerate their foibles and idiosyncrasies, but this was too much. Neither Master Anakin nor Miss Padmé had emerged from their quarters in over a day. Occasionally, one or the other would request that food and drink be brought to them, but beyond that they shunned all contact with each other, and with the droids. Truly, 3PO despaired of ever understanding human behavior. With an electronic sigh, 3PO strode to the galley section and put himself in standby mode, waiting for the time when his masters decided to emerge from their isolation. Meanwhile, R2 rerouted his concerns over Anakin and Padmé by tending to the ship's systems with a tireless devotion.

Padmé lay in her bed, lonely and miserable. Once again, she cursed Anakin's stubbornness, and the weight of customs, traditions and institutions that deigned to keep her from him. But it would do no good; it made more sense to yell into space than to deny the realities of their situation. There had to be another solution; it couldn't end this way! Not after all they had suffered and fought through; she would not be defeated by rules and regulations. I won't give you up that easily, Anakin Skywalker. Newly resolved, she sat up and went to her desk, trying to clear her mind as she thought of what she could do. Unfortunately, so long as they remained under the jurisdiction of the Republic, there would be no way to escape the protocols concerning Force-sensitive individuals; she doubted she would be able to repeal a thousand-year law, or get an exception for herself. I will not give up my children. Never.

More desperate measures came to mind. What about emigration? If Anakin and I were to resettle outside the Republic... she shook her head; the Jedi would not be able to take their children, but he would have to leave the Jedi and she would have to leave the Senate. They couldn't do that, not now. How can Anakin be my husband, without anyone knowing he is my husband? Padmé now realized that she had been more than a little naive to believe that they would be able to keep their relationship a secret, let alone any children they may have, all by themselves. Certainly not so long as they were both on Coruscant. Perhaps if I were still Queen it would be easier, but...

She stopped. Customs and traditions. The ones of the Republic's are against me, but what of Naboo's? What of the Queen's? She activated her terminal and began to do some research, browsing through her copy of the Royal Archives. Mentally straining, she tried to remember all her learning and preparation to become Queen a decade ago. There was something I came across, a footnote in the histories... Then she remembered it. She entered the search terms into her terminal and waited, trying to keep her expectations low; she was just as likely to be disappointed. But then there it was in front of her; exactly what she hoped for! At the time, she remembered, it was a curiosity, completely irrelevant to her situation. Now, however, it would be their salvation. Anakin, don't give up, we can still do this. A surge of hope filled her; she copied the information to a datacard and ran out of the room, her spirits buoyant for the first time in days.

Anakin laid on his bunk, morose and despondent. It was an impossible dream after all. Attachment is forbidden... What part of ‘forbidden' did you not understand, Jedi Skywalker? He could not father her children; there was too much risk of the Jedi taking their children away. If he couldn't be a father, how could he be her husband? We could keep it a secret, his words and her words taunted him. He knew that it would be unfair for Padmé, to chain her in a relationship that could never give her true happiness. But accepting that his love for her meant he had to let go was not the same as being happy about it. In fact, it made him feel all the more worse.

When he was certain that Padmé would make a complete recovery, he would return to Coruscant to resume his life with the Jedi Order, all thoughts of her purged from his mind, and heart. No sooner than he thought it, though, his spirit rebelled. Once again, unbidden, unwelcome, the old anger and bitterness arose within him; he tried to hold it back, but couldn't. If I cannot love, all I have left is...

Abruptly he sensed her coming; there was a happy air to her demeanor, a joy which never failed to bring happiness to him as well. Just before she pressed the buzzer, he opened the door.

Padmé smiled at him. "You seem to know my every move, love."

Anakin smiled back. "Your presence always lifts my spirit. I can never be truly happy apart from you." He frowned; without a miracle, forever apart they would soon be.

She walked over to his bed and sat down beside him. "I have the solution."

He sat up, fully alert, waiting for her to continue.

"You want to marry me. I want to keep our love a secret, for your sake...and perhaps my own. The solution is obvious; we do both."

She lost him. "Both?" he asked.

"Both. A secret marriage."

Anakin was dubious. "Isn't that a contradiction in terms?"

"Not on Naboo it isn't," she said. "The technical name for it is a Grant of Privy Matrimony by the Royal Council. It's an ancient, secret privilege for the Queen. In Naboo's distant past, when we had kings, there was much conflict over royal and dynastic succession. The aristocracy, represented in the Court by the Royal Council, then decided to replace the traditional monarchy with a matriarchal system, with a Queen elected at first by the Royal Council, then later by the people." She paused, looking at Anakin's reaction. She had his complete attention. Smiling, she continued.

"At first it was forbidden for Queens to marry-they feared a royal spouse would attempt to seize power again-so they created the Privy Matrimony system as an alternative. In return for being outwardly single, the Royal Council would in turn safeguard the secret of the marriage and the identity of the spouse. Now, of course, Queens are allowed to marry, but the old statutes have never been removed-it was secret, after all. Here, you can read for yourself," she said, tossing him a datacard. She waited for his reaction.

Picking up the card, he then got up and began to ponder her words. Could it be? For the first time in a while, Anakin smiled. "I should have known not to doubt you," he said. "So, we can get married and keep it a secret. But there are still some issues to resolve. First, you are not a Queen anymore. Can you still claim this privilege?"

"Technically, no. That is, I can't have it automatically given to me, as I could were I still Queen. The Royal Council would have to approve, but they would almost certainly do so if the current Queen were to ask. I know Queen Jamilla well; she would not refuse the request." She smiled mischievously. "Of course, this is highly unusual; once a Queen serves her term, there would normally be no need to claim it, but that doesn't matter. I will do whatever is necessary, to be with you." Her smile disappeared, the light-heartedness on her face replaced by fierce determination.

Of that I have no doubt. He was silent for a little while longer, and then said, "Then that leaves but one obstacle..." His voice trailed away.

Padmé swallowed hard. "Yes, the issue of children." She got up and turned away. "In the past, they took care of this as well. Of course, back then the Queen rarely left the palace, let alone the planet. It would be difficult as a Senator of the Republic," she conceded.

Anakin's voice was gloomy again. "It would still be impossible. Unless you were to resign from the Senate-which I would never ask you to do," he added before she could respond. "There is still the issue of the Jedi as well; if they ever found out..."

Padmé's composure began to falter. He couldn't be turning her away, not now! Her voice quivered as she responded. "I know, I know! Ani, we can deal with this later. Why do you keep pushing me away?"

To see her go from happiness to despair again was a lethal dagger to Anakin's heart. Horrified at the pain that was welling up from her, he shot up from the bed to face her, comfort her. "Oh Padmé, I never meant to hurt you!" he cried. "I'm so sorry for what I said earlier; I love you, and will do anything for you! My life is yours!" Suddenly it no longer mattered what the reasons were that they could not be together; his love for her was beyond all logic and thought. He would be with her regardless of what anyone said, do anything she asked of him. Anakin drove all thoughts of the cloudy future from his mind; there was only the timeless present, with Padmé at the center of it.

As Padmé stared into his blue eyes, his words made all her fear disappear. They stood together, gazing into each other, the room silent except for the hum of machinery and their own breathing.

"I know children would complicate things, for me as well as you," she said. "But that is a question which can wait for now. Now that the Republic is at war, I'm sure you'd agree that this is not the time to be bringing children into the world."

He did agree, but Anakin did not want Padmé to give up on her dreams, either. He struggled to think of something, anything, to say that would comfort her. "If we do have children, perhaps they won't take them away after all. I admit I'm not an expert, but the midichlorians that allow Jedi to know of the Force, are not part of a person's genetic makeup. The ability to be a Jedi is not something inheritable, like hair color or height." Actually, Anakin was not at all sure about what he was saying. He remembered the lessons about this very issue, seven years ago, and the embarrassing confusion surrounding the subject; in truth, no one knew. Despite the fact that celibacy was not mandatory, most Jedi still possessed such self-control that the actual number of children born to Jedi was vanishingly small, and the results were inconclusive; no one could really say, one way or the other, whether awareness of the Force was hereditary.

I suppose I could ask Master Yoda, he thought; if anyone would know the answer, he would. Then again, he could think of a thousand things he would rather ask the great Master than that. "With my luck, they'll be as Force-blind as 3PO!" She smiled briefly, but a shadow came across her features.

"But what if they are Force-sensitive?" she whispered.

Anger arose again within, but this time he controlled it. He said gently, "If they are, we will face it together. We will find a solution; they won't take them from us, I promise."

While speaking, they had slowly drawn closer together, bit by bit, until their faces were but inches apart. Moments passed; neither of them knew how to proceed. Finally, Anakin broke the silence.

"Don't worry, I gave up trying to argue with you, remember?" A shy smile appeared on his face.

Padmé's heart leapt at his statement and what it implied. Does this mean... Fearfully, she laid it all on the line. "I guess there's only one thing left to do then," she said, her voice a ghostly whisper.

He nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact. Still holding her hand, Anakin dropped down to one knee, his gaze fixed on her. Padmé could not even breathe. Oh his eyes, she thought. They pierced her, reaching through her to her very soul. She shivered involuntarily.

"Padmé Naberrie Amidala, I ask your hand in marriage. To be one with you, now and forever." His eyes were bright and moist.

Her voice was pure joy. "Yes, Anakin Skywalker. I will marry you."

He got up slowly and they embraced. For Anakin and Padmé, all else faded into nothing. There was only each other-beloved-as their passions shined onto eternity.

Chapter 10

Anakin stayed well clear of Padmé's way as she took care of the arrangements for the upcoming ceremony in her communications with Naboo. He would have been of little use anyway; marriage was an institution he had but the faintest ideas about. Mom never said much about my father, he thought. And while Obi-Wan was like a father to him, neither he nor any other Jedi he knew was a true father... or husband for that matter. Thinking of the Jedi made him bite his lip; he was certain that the Council would punish him severely for his actions on Tatooine. Were they ever to find out about this as well... You will be expelled from the Order, the words from Obi-Wan echoed in his mind. No, this is different, he thought firmly. Love could never be wrong; nothing he had been taught contradicted this. He remembered the love he had from his mother; she was blameless and without fault. With every fiber of his being, he felt-he knew-his love for Padmé was right, and good. He only hoped he could grow into the role.

He had gone to the cockpit to make a final check of all systems before turning in, when Padmé walked in to join him. Anakin turned to face her. "Everything's set," she said happily.

"That's good news." Looking at her closely, he noticed how much improved her condition was from when they left Tynna. Padmé's complexion was healthy, and her demeanor radiant and glowing. Anakin marveled at her loveliness; her beauty was far more than physical, it was a beauty which shone from within. He was mesmerized by her appearance, so much so he missed what she was saying. He shook his head to clear it.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?"

"I was saying, while it may be a secret wedding, we're still going to need a witness." She smiled inwardly, taking pleasure from the way he had looked at her. Not long now, Ani...

"Your family?"

She sighed and shook her head. "No, not yet. I will need to talk with them about this later, and there isn't time when we get to Naboo. Would you mind terribly if..." she gestured with her head.

Anakin laughed. "Are you sure they count as legal witnesses?"

"Droids can testify in court, under certain circumstances. I think they can handle a wedding."

"Yeah, if they've been able to survive all we put them through, they can handle anything!" She grinned, and came to him, arms opening to embrace him. They hugged, and then she eased herself into his lap, sitting on his left knee. He tried not to touch her with his right hand, but he had to use it to keep her from falling over. Wincing, his spirit suddenly darkened. You'll pay for this, Dooku! He then frantically tried to purge the thought. It wasn't too difficult; the warmth of her body and feelings rekindled joy in his heart. In their embrace, they comforted one another through gentle rubs and tender caresses.

"Thank you, for changing your mind," she said, her right cheek resting comfortably against his chest.

Relaxed, he kissed her on the head. "Anything, for you."

They continued to hold each other, neither wanting to break free. A chirp from the controls broke their mutual adoration.

"We've just passed Rodia, and are now making the final turn for Naboo," he said, checking the navcomputer. "We'll be there in about fifteen hours. You might want to get some rest," he said.

Padmé stood up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Okay. Good night." Before she left the cockpit, she paused, placing her right hand on the door. She peered over her shoulder at him, smiling seductively. "You know, Ani, I'm glad this is the last time I'll be sleeping alone," she said in an enticing voice. Eyes sparkling, she then turned and left, her hair sweeping around behind her.

Anakin blushed and turned back to the controls. Impulsively, he increased their speed to maximum safe velocity.

* * * * *

It was nighttime in Theed when their ship landed. Anakin piloted the Yacht onto a landing pad, then got up from the cockpit and joined Padmé at the exit. She was dressed in her dark blue Senatorial robes, her hair once again styled in a tight formal braid. Her demeanor was regal and impassive; Anakin understood, and tried to put on his best diplomatic face. Exiting the Yacht, he noticed that there was but a single person there to greet them, a handmaiden of the Queen. She came up to Padmé and exchanged greetings and inquiries; Anakin stood a respectful distance away. Then she nodded, turned and began to walk towards the Palace.

Padmé and Anakin followed her, the droids in tow behind them. He chanced a brief glance at her; her face was still expressionless, but when she saw him from the corner of her eye, she turned her head and smiled back. Reassured, he continued walking.

Chapter 11

The sun was setting over the Lake Country, bathing the lake and mountains in a glorious radiance. After an eternity, Anakin gently, reluctantly, ended the kiss and pulled away. He stared at Padmé, once again taking in her transcendent splendor, her beautiful form wrapped in her elegant white wedding gown. He felt a wave of emotions flowing from her; joy and anticipation, contentment, desire and anxiety-fear? Nothing he didn't feel himself, he admitted. He was afraid as well, for there was no turning back. They were now husband and wife, even if no one else knew of it.

A sharp cry from the lake broke the moment. Padmé slowly began to turn to her right. Anakin turned with her, and they looked out onto the shimmering waters as a flight of waterfowls skimmed across the surface of the lake, their squawks the only sound audible. She appeared transfixed by the sight; it was the same _expression, he noted, that she had had after he first kissed her. Is she having second thoughts? He bit his lip and quieted his doubts, returning to the otherwise beautiful spectacle before him. He was lost in the gentle monotony of the vista, when he was shaken from it; she was tugging at his arm, and he turned to her again.

Padmé was facing him, a gentle smile on her face. "It's time to go."

"I know." As they left the garden terrace for the boats, he wished she was on his left side. Instead, she was walking on his right, still holding onto his mechanical hand. During their kiss, he had hardly noticed the fact that she had taken his hand in hers, but now he was acutely self-conscious of it. A brief burst of shame and anger erupted, but a glance in her direction made it dissipate like the morning mist. Still, he couldn't help but feel shame for his deformity, his... incompleteness. He sighed.

Descending the stairs, they boarded the water speeder, which began to propel itself away from the dock and out onto the waters. Behind them, the droids boarded another speeder, which followed after them. Traveling at a leisurely pace, their speeder headed off to the Royal Lodge on the other side of the lake.

* * * * *

Padmé leaned back against Anakin, his arms around her waist, his head pressing lightly atop hers. The sun had set, and all around the lake she could see the lights of local villages. Far in the distance, she could hear sounds of revelry; music, singing, people at play. Surrounding them was the placid sounds of the rhythmic sloshing of water and the occasional cry of birds. Sighing, she noted the contrast between the idyllic evening vistas around her, and the dark new reality of the galactic conflict beyond. Very soon, they would both have to rejoin that world, and all its great dangers. She shuddered, even now fearing for her new husband's safety. Sensing her distress, Anakin reassuringly tightened his embrace of her, then eased up and caressed her right arm.

Worry about it later. Her focus returned to the blissful present. I'm married! It did not happen the way she had expected, but it happened nonetheless, and it filled her with a joy so deep and profound that her breath caught in her throat. She pulled his head down as she tilted her head up, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. She then snuggled more deeply against him and closed her eyes. Ani, my husband, my beloved, she thought longingly. You now have my whole being. My mind, my heart, my soul-and soon, lover, my body. Yes, there was one last thing, one final barrier to be broken before they were truly one. She savored the prospect as the speeder continued across the lake towards the resort.

Chapter 12

The Royal Lodge was dark and vacant of people, save two.

In the main room of their chalet, a huge fire blazed and warmed their bodies. The bedroom was upstairs, but as soon as they lit the hearth they had fallen into each others arms, and this time they did not stop. Delicately, Anakin removed Padmé's bridal shawl; she in turn removed his Jedi robes, letting them fall to the floor. They paused after that, uncertain of how to proceed. With some difficulty-he still had not mastered all the subtleties of using his mechanical arm-Anakin methodically began to undress himself. Smiling, Padmé followed suit. She removed her gown and carefully placed it aside. Her hair flowed freely across her shoulders and down her back. They stood before each other bare, shivering in the cool spring night.

Padmé had never been this way with a man before and was more than a little nervous, but the feelings of delight and exhilaration were much stronger. Her body stirred as she looked up and down her husband, admiring his handsome, lean features. Then her heart filled with dismay at the fact that Anakin had put his right arm behind him: he was still shamed by his disfigurement. I have to show him I love him-all of him. There was only one thing to do; she would literally have to take matters into her own hands. She approached him and boldly reached behind him for his right arm. He flinched, turning his head away, but did not resist. Pulling his right arm towards her, Padmé placed his palm against her chest, squeezing and caressing the cold metallic fingers. Anakin turned to face her; she took his right hand and pulled it up to her face, nuzzling it gently, her eyes closed. He then gently began to stroke her forehead, taking in the unfamiliar sensations from his artificial digits. As his fingers traced the outlines of her features, she opened her eyes and took his hand in her own. She kissed each finger, causing him to groan. Opening her mouth, she took in his index and middle fingers and softly bit down on them, running her tongue gently along the smooth metal surfaces.

Anakin let out a gasp of shock; never had he felt such feelings, from his real hand or the rest of his body for that matter. He reached around and pulled her to him, their mouths meeting in a passionate kiss. The sensations of their bodies rubbing together and pressing fully against each other ignited their desires; awkwardly, they dropped to the floor. Willingly, freely, Padmé opened herself to Anakin, and their bodies were fully entwined into one flesh. She gasped at the strange and not-so-comfortable sensation filling her. Dizzily, she stared up and took in the splendid sight of him towering over her. Anakin was in her mind, in her body; now she wanted him to sink in farther, deeper, until finally, impossibly, they could melt together into one blazing mass. Timeless moments passed, and as the unfamiliar feelings from below turned into pleasure, and then into delight, Padmé felt herself losing control of everything. It was terrifying and elating. More and more of herself broke free, until a final implosion consumed her completely.

With a final, fierce motion he consummated their love, their cries of ecstasy rising up into the Naboo night.

* * * * *

Padmé woke up. She was not tired at all.

She felt...she didn't know how she felt. Alive? Potent? She was lying on her belly; the fires of the hearth were burning at half-intensity. She rolled over onto her back and breathed deeply. The warmth of Anakin's love had filled her center, and had flowed to all parts of her body-from the ends of her fingers to the tips of her toes; she could feel his essence spreading into every inch of her. I will never let you go, Ani. Never. Her thoughts were a defiant statement to the universe, a challenge to all who would try to pull them apart.

Yawning, she stretched out her arms and legs, grasping at the carpet with her toes, running her fingers through its thick strands. Now I am a woman in all things. She smiled at this newfound revelation, taking pleasure in it, then wondering if she had been... good for him as well. A shadow of doubt crossed her mind. Perhaps if I were experienced in this... she began to think, but then dismissed the thought. No, I'm glad he was my first...and only one. nbsp; We'll have a lifetime to become better lovers to each other. She looked over to her left, where Anakin was laying supine, asleep. Propping herself up on her side, she gazed at him, entranced by the way his muscular body was lit by the dancing light of the fire's flames. He seemed so peaceful, tranquil; a far cry from the turbulent young man she had gotten to know and fallen in love with over the past month.

She crawled over to him, and placed her head against his chest, her hands reaching out to hold his. His strong, steady heartbeat pulsed against her right cheek. You're definitely not a little boy anymore, she thought affectionately. But you will always be my Ani. With that thought, she lifted her head, reached over and planted a kiss on his lips. She then wrapped her arms around his upper body in a warm, tight hug.

Anakin stirred and slowly awoke. He found Padmé lying across him, an impish smile on her face. He smiled in turn.

"Good morning, Senator Amidala." She hit him in mock outrage.

"Ani! Jedi Padawan Skywalker, is that any way to refer to your wife?"

"How then should I address you, my Lady?" he asked with an easy grin.

She considered, then lifted her head in a regal gesture. "It's Senator Padmé Amidala to you!" She laughed, and moved to lay herself fully atop of him. He looked straight ahead at her face, caressing her cheeks with both his hands now.

"You were fantastic last night," he said. His entire focus was centered on the features of her beautiful face: her amazing curly brown hair twisting and curling all about, her soft brown eyes staring back at him, the two freckles on her cheeks-the smaller one close to her nose on the right, the larger one in the center of her left-her straight nose and supple lips. He marveled at all her feminine glory; to him, she was a living work of art.

"Thank you, my love. You were wonderful as well." She kissed him again, more deeply this time, then pulled back and silently mouthed to him, I love you. Overwhelmed by his love for her, tears began streaming down his face. I'm so happy; why am I crying?

He's crying! In sympathy tears of her own began to flow; Padmé leaned forward to embrace him, placing her head against his, cheek to cheek. She felt the wetness of his cheek against hers, felt the moisture from their eyes and skin mingling together. Soon they were lost in the tangle of her hair; laughing, they began to thrash about, trying to free themselves. Once he had pushed her hair out of the way, she lowered herself on top of him again and just laid there, motionless, enjoying the warmth of his body. For his part, Anakin took his left hand and put it on her back, rubbing circles over it. "I'm so happy..." he said, his words lingering in the air. He then stopped as his fingers ran over her scars; briefly he tensed at the memory, then relaxed again. Scars are a personal record of sorts, he thought as he traced them, up and down, with a finger. Both internal and external ones.

Padmé let out a small gasp as he fingered her scratches, more from the memory of the ordeal than from any discomfort. Actually, that feels good, she thought. Very good. Anakin's finger began to trace downwards, to the base of her back, then lower... Suddenly she sucked in her breath as a literal chill ran up her spine. Well, if that's what we're going to do now, I shouldn't be the only one having fun. She lifted her head and began to place a series of gentle kisses on his chest, here and there. Nuzzling, she ran over the outlines of his muscles with her nose and lips, and as her own fires began to rekindle, with her tongue. I like how he tastes...

Anakin smiled at all the special gestures his wife was making; he had to retaliate. If only I could use both my hands... Blast it, he wouldn't let that stop him anymore! He now began to stroke her with both hands, up and down her sides, tentatively at first, then more insistently, up her down her left side. Padmé's body was now the one that jolted at the touch of cold metal on her skin. She pulled herself up on top of him, now straddling him; he rose to a sitting position as well, his eyes level with hers. Nothing else needed to be said.

With her left hand, she reached behind his head and took his padawan braid, drawing it out and playfully twirling the end of it between her fingers. She laughed and tugged hard at it; Anakin cried out in surprise and pain, his head flying towards her. Leaning against him, Padmé took the end of his braid and rubbed it between her nose and the tip of her upper lip, then moistened it with her mouth. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him; Anakin then bent over and kissed the hollow at the base of her neck, trailing his kisses downwards. Padmé exhaled and arched backwards, bearing herself to him. Following through with the motion, Anakin eased her to the floor. He looked down; she lay before him, inviting. Reaching out, he placed his hands on her chest and began to massage her front, kneading gently but firmly. Sucking in air in a series of short breaths, her head jerked from side to side, eyes half-closed, her expression dreamy. Squeezing, tweaking; after an eternity his hands slowed, then stopped. His full weight was on her, holding her down, but she felt safe, secure. She looked back up at him. Sparing each other a single, hungry look, their mouths met again in a deep kiss.

Once more they were locked together, flesh merging with flesh, overcome by a yearning that was unquenchable as the fires of the galaxy itself. Anakin was straining, pushing inwards. Underneath, Padmé lifted her lower body slightly, taking and holding him within herself. An ineffable moment stretched to forever, until they at last again released their passions into each other. Their ardent thrashings ended, replaced by a serene stillness. Wet with perspiration and panting heavily, Anakin pressed his head hard against hers, burying his face in her damp hair. Padmé did so as well, eyes closed, her own breath heavy as she trailed her hands up and down his glistening back. Gracefully, their heads glided against each other, pausing occasionally to nibble on an ear or bite a shoulder. There was no need for words; only the moment was real to them, and they silently reveled in it.

At long last, they stopped their fondlings of each other; they lay together, quiescent, unmoving. The moment had finally passed. He gently rolled off and lay next to her, exhausted and spent. Beside him, Padmé fell into a deep, satisfied sleep.

Chapter 13

Anakin did not fall asleep after it was over. Instead, he lay still, savoring the memory, reliving the incredible sensations he had just experienced. He could still taste her in his mouth and on his skin; he could still smell the fragrance of her hair, her body. Nothing compared to this; he wanted to feel it again and again.

Padmé was to his side sleeping peacefully, her hair a tangle, a gentle smile on her face. Anakin opened himself to the Force, taking in all of the sensations which emanated from her, feeling the rhythms of her body ebb and flow with each breath. He delighted in the fierceness of her spirit, her independence, her passion, and was still astonished by the fact that she had chosen to marry him after all, despite all that was stacked against them. For such a strong and free-willed woman like Padmé to reach out to him, embrace him, and put her own career and happiness at risk, just to claim him as her own, was overwhelming to him. He shivered at the power of her love, and then he laid back and opened himself to it, feeding off her strength.

He went back to watching over her sleeping form. The fires had finally died out, and outside the first hints of dawn were visible. With a laugh, he realized they had never even made it to the bedroom! They had not yet shared their bed on their first night together; that was unacceptable. Anakin stood and reverently wrapped Padmé in his robes, then used the Force to gently lift her up. It was more difficult than he expected, since he was only using his left hand-he couldn't trust his right hand yet. But it all went smoothly; with nary a bump or a flutter, he floated her up the stairs and into the bedroom, laying her out on the giant bed. During the trip, she had not even stirred.

As Anakin was about to pull the covers over her, he stared at her bare back. There were three long scars, from the nexu which had scratched her in the arena on Geonosis. He got into the bed beside her and tried to sleep, but he frowned at the memory of her in danger in the arena and her all-too-close calls with death later on. He had come so close to losing her, the thought played over and over in his mind. Without effort, the old rage rose again. He had killed the nexu with the reek he'd taken control of, and used his lightsaber to protect her from the battledroids, but he could do nothing but watch and hope that the medical droids could save her from her complications. There are many ways to kill a Senator, he remembered. One day, I may not reach her in time. Gritting his teeth, he dismissed the thought and tried to sleep, but it would not come. Eyes closed, he now raged at the Trade Federation Viceroy, who took such pleasure from the expectation of her death; he raged at the bounty hunter who had almost killed Padmé with those kouhuns. He would make them pay, all of them, for ever daring to threaten her; he would destroy them all, kill them himself-

He open his eyes and sat up, bewildered at his emotional state. Why can't I control my anger? This was the most joyous moment of his short life, and yet he was still possessed by his fury. It confused him, puzzled him, making him angry all over again. Again he tried to sleep, and this time he was successful, but then his dreams began to haunt him.

Images from the past rose again... He was entranced by his vision of her as a young Queen, battling the droids of the Trade Federation as she, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fought their way across the hangar. Even then, he knew he loved her. Then Padmé and her soldiers were pinned down by those droidekas, in danger of being killed. He remembered his pleasure when he figured out how to activate the starfighter and blew them away. Their destruction brought a savage joy to him even now.

Try as he could, he could not even keep his focus on their happy moments recently on Naboo; instead, his spirit floated towards darker visions. Once more, Anakin saw his mother Shmi, her body battered and broken, trussed up by the Tuskens. He saw the life leave her eyes... Oh, how he wished she could be here, to see Padmé again as his wife, her daughter!

Again, Padmé was in danger. He saw her falling onto the conveyor belt, barely escaping being crushed by the stamping machines. He could only rage helplessly as the vat she fell into moved inexorably closer... He saw her falling from the gunship, her still form disappearing in the distance; he remembered his unthinking rage towards Obi-Wan for trying to stop him from going back for her...

Finally, the battle with Dooku... He remembered his fear of dying, of not seeing Padmé again... You'll pay for this, Dooku... You'll pay for this, Dooku... the thought echoed through his mind, caressing him, stoking the shadows of his soul...

He screamed, jumping straight up in the bed. Panting and sweating, he looked around, regaining his bearings. It was early morning, the sun barely poking up over the eastern mountains, lighting the waters of the lake. To his left Padmé was sleeping, and safe. That was all that mattered to Anakin. He lay on his side and just watched her, bathing in the presence of her life. A sense of utter peace fell over him, and he knew to the deepest fiber of his being his destiny; he would be her protector, her love. Nothing would keep her from him or him from her. This vow brought him a sense of confidence; all his fear and anger, his rage and frustration; all of it was gone, banished by his newfound mission.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, all his other duties, his callings, his allegiances, shriveled and disappeared...

More than an hour had passed; the sun was now shining brightly into their room, the light blazing across Padmé's face. She stirred, then awoke; the first thing she was Anakin's face, and she beamed at him.

"Good morning, love," she said, reaching over to kiss him. Anakin swiftly put his arms around her in a snug embrace.

"Good morning to you," he replied. Padmé turned her head, confused at her new surroundings.

"How did we end up here?" she asked, sitting up in the bed.

"I brought you up last night. Before the evening was over, I wanted us to share our bed for once on our wedding night." He smiled, and pulled himself up to sit next to her. Both of their backs were now against the bed's headrest. "You see? You didn't sleep alone, after all."

Laughing, she returned the embrace. "Thank you." Once more they stared into each other's eyes. Wordlessly, she rolled over to sit on his legs, her hands on his thighs, working their way upwards. Her gaze remained fixed on his, mouth hanging open ever so slightly.

Desire quickly rose within him again as his body responded. But as he watched Padmé and what she was doing, Anakin could not fully purge those scary images from his mind. At the moment, he felt a greater need to hold her, cradle her in his arms, without losing control of himself as he had willingly allowed during the night. Ignoring the signals from his own body, yearning to indulge her offer, he stopped her ministrations. "No; no thank you. Right now, all I want to do is hold you in my arms," he said in a whisper. "Let's just lie together, and enjoy the beginning of the day."

Surprised, the idea quickly grew on Padmé. "All right." She turned around and backed into his arms; they lay together as they did on the water speeder the night before. This time, however, Anakin did not restrain where his hands roamed. His left hand cupped her right breast, then he slowly caressed her, making circles down her front. With his fingers he traced circles around her navel. Padmé gasped, and he stopped, not wanting to push her too far. She relaxed and settled back into his arms, their mutual embrace strengthening their bonds as it drove away their fears. Outside, the sun rose high into the sky, warming them with its rays.

It was a long time before either of them spoke. "Is there anything you want to do today?" he asked, his voice muffled by the mass of her hair.

She considered the possibilities. "Well, we could go for a stroll around the lake, or a hike in the Varykino hills. I also haven't been to the Main Marketplace in years. But..." her voice trailed away.

Anakin understood. "But we can't be together in public, can we?"

She shook her head. "The Royal Council will do everything in their power to protect us, but they can't do anything if we're walking around in front of people with a big sign saying, ‘Anakin and Padmé Skywalker.'"

Her words were unexpected to him. "Padmé Skywalker..." he repeated. "That sounds strange."

She smiled. "It does. I kind of like it, though. You can call me that if you wish," she said, gripping his forearms.

He considered, then reluctantly rejected the idea. "No, it's better if we play it straight. Padmé Amidala, you still will be."

She laughed at his Yoda-like mannerism, but then her smile faded. "We are married, even if it is a secret," she said softly.

Feeling the twinge of pain from her, Anakin brought his arms around Padmé in a huge embrace. "Of course we are, my love. I will love you and be with you, always." He kissed her on the cheek, then stated to nibble at her ear.

"Stop it!" she said, giggling. He didn't, but she didn't object. Eventually he pulled away and went back to laying his head against hers. She pulled up his right arm and idly played with his mechanical fingers. "I guess this means we have to cut short our honeymoon."

Anakin sighed. "Perhaps. There is still plenty to explore around this lodge, though, right?"

Padmé brightened. "Absolutely! I'll show you the architecture, walk you through the gardens, tell you about the history of the surrounding areas. That's enough to do and see to last a couple of days, at least!"

He hugged her again. "It sounds perfect. So, what do we do first?"

Padmé broke free of him, then got up and turned around to face him. She reached up and brushed some stray hair from his eyes, drawing closer to him. "First? I've got an idea..." Mischief was written all over her face.

Anakin smiled. "Indeed." He leaned back on the bed as Padmé leaned forward and met him in a kiss.

* * * * *

For the next four days, they did exactly what she suggested: walk around the secluded Royal Lodge, gazing at the ancient architecture, strolling through the carefully cultivated arboreal areas, enjoying all the service and hospitality the staff had to offer. After a while, though, Anakin began to feel guilty of all the attention being lavished on them-they were the only guests there-and after the second day, there wasn't much left to explore. Anakin comforted himself with the knowledge that in those few days, he had also managed to do a great deal of exploring elsewhere-of his wife's lovely, secret curves and surfaces. He had also taken great pleasure of her explorations of him, finally freed of the doubts his artificial arm had created. Truly, he now believed Padmé when she said she loved him completely. He hated himself for ever doubting her.

By the time they had to leave, even their couplings had begun to lose some of their ardor. Padmé was right, after all; living in their love alone was not enough. Anakin craved to return to the Jedi, to do what he knew had to be done. Padmé was anxious to return to the Senate, to deal with the new problems the war had created. But as Padmé and Anakin packed their things, picked up the droids, and headed towards the spaceport, both of them knew that they would always remember and treasure these few days together. They had first come to Naboo as friends, caring for each other, but confused about where to take their lives. They would now leave Naboo as husband and wife-lovers and soulmates; intimately bonded, forever inseparable.

* * * * *

They departed Naboo in much the same way they arrived-under cover of darkness, with no one at the spaceport to wish them farewell. Padmé's Royal Yacht cleared the atmosphere and disappeared into hyperspace.

Once they were en route, Anakin and Padmé sent the droids forward to wait. The doors to her main bedroom chambers had not even closed before they were throwing off their own garments, yearning to pierce and be pierced. On the soft bed, they drowned their impending concerns and fears in an all-pervasive merging.

Afterwards, they lay in one another's arms, silent and content, unable to let go.

Chapter 14

The Yacht emerged out of lightspeed over Coruscant. Receiving the proper clearance, the ship began its descent towards the planet surface.

As Anakin piloted the ship, Padmé was standing behind him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. She was clothed in a deep purple Senatorial gown, her hair curled up into twin buns, a classic Alderaanian-style. Underneath her perfectly-coiffed exterior, though, she was a tumult of emotions. Twelve days after leaving Naboo, her memories of and desires for Anakin were still smoldering away, filling her thoughts and haunting her dreams. Their mutual separation had made them that much stronger; after that initial night together aboard ship, they had spent much of trip in their separate quarters, attempting to cool their affections for each other. We seem to have done a good job, she noted glumly. It had been days since Anakin had referred to her as Padmé; all their interactions since had been exasperatingly formal. She could barely recognize the beautiful, passionate man she had loved a lifetime's worth with during their few days on Naboo, who had made her feel so alive for maybe the first time ever in her life. I hate this, I can't stand it, she silently raged. But she knew it was necessary. Soon they would be in the presence of the Jedi, and she had to be in perfect control of her feelings in order to protect their relationship. She only hoped Anakin could do so as well.

The spires and towers of Coruscant arose ahead of them, the endless streams of traffic proceeding along invisible sky ways. Their ship settled into a traffic stream and made its way towards the Jedi Temple, where Anakin would depart and resume his duties as a Jedi. Padmé's thoughts filled with fear: according to the reports Queen Jamilla had given her, the Jedi were fanning out across the galaxy, taking command of the new clone armies as the Republic launched counteroffensives against the separatists. The thought of war brought great sadness to her; despite all her efforts, in the end it had come to violence. Unknown to everyone else, there was a deep, personal aspect to her disquiet over the newly-begun Clone Wars, a fear that she could not share with anyone to help assuage. Instead it was trapped within her, tearing away at her heart and soul. She wondered how long she could bear it.

Fighting back tears, Padmé tightened her grip on Anakin, unwilling to let him go, but aware that he had his duty, just as she had hers. Clenching her jaw, she vowed not to rest until the conflict was over, until somehow a peaceful solution was found. And I will do everything in my power to protect you, Ani, to bring you back safe to me, she silently promised him.

They were almost there; methodically she purged herself of all feeling, all desire.

The traffic thinned as the ship made its way towards the great pyramidical shape of the Temple. Anakin eased the ship onto the adjacent landing field. Completing the landing, he got up and fixed his gaze upon her. His demeanor was completely calm and impassive.

"We've arrived, Senator. I must make leave of you now."

She nodded. "I am most grateful for your service, Jedi Skywalker," she said, equally controlled.

They paused for a moment, then gave each other a quick hug. Anakin was careful not to rumple her attire. "Don't worry," he whispered. "I will come back to you."

Her voice was a desperate whisper. "Wherever you go, my heart will be with you. Be safe, my love." They parted, and this time Padmé could not suppress a tear. Anakin smiled and wiped it away.

"Let's go."

* * * * *

Anakin and Padmé exited the Yacht and strode out onto the landing field, where Obi-Wan Kenobi was waiting. As they walked up to him, Obi-Wan bowed before her. Anakin left her side and stood next to his Master.

For a while Obi-Wan was silent; he carefully appraised the Senator, as if wondering what to say. Finally, he spoke: "It is a great pleasure to see you are finally well, Senator," he said.

"Thank you, Master Kenobi," Amidala said. "The Jedi Order has my deepest gratitude for all they've done to protect me. And I am personally thankful for all your efforts to uncover the mystery of those who attempted to assassinate me," she said. Inside of himself, Anakin flinched, but no one noticed.

"You're welcome, Senator. I trust all your conversations were fruitful?"

"Yes, Master Kenobi. I believe they were." Amidala's face showed nothing.

A pause. "Excellent. Then I wish you the best as you resume your duties in the Senate," Obi-Wan said.

"Thank you for the kind blessing. Be assured we in the Senate will do everything possible to see this conflict ended as soon as possible."

"We are most grateful, Senator. May the Force be with you." Obi-Wan stepped back, and Anakin came forward to say his parting words.

"Good-bye, my Lady." Anakin's face was a perfect mask.

"Thank you, Jedi Skywalker, for all your efforts to protect me."

"I am in the service of the Jedi and the Republic." Obi-Wan watched them intently.

There was another pause. Then: "I wish you the best in your upcoming duties."

"As do I, my Lady. May the Force be with you." Anakin bowed.

Senator Amidala bowed to him, then to Obi-Wan. She then turned around and headed back to her ship. Boarding it, the doors closed and the ship took off. Obi-Wan and Anakin watched silently as it departed.

Chapter 15

After a while, Obi-Wan spoke. "You arrived just in time. I am scheduled to leave in two days."

Anakin was dismayed by the information. "I am sorry to hear that, Master. What will you be doing?"

"Many Jedi have been assigned to serve under the command of former Senator Organa. I will be leading a company of the new clone army; where we're going, I do not know yet." He was still deeply disquieted by the new Republic army, both its nature and by the continuing mystery of who exactly had ordered it created all those years ago. And full-scale war was something no Jedi, not even Master Yoda, had experienced in. Until Geonosis. Sighing, Obi-Wan knew that however this conflict came about, it was now a reality, and as servants of the Republic, the Jedi were called to defend it.

Anakin felt great apprehension about this news; for all their disagreements, Obi-Wan truly was his father figure. After the slaughter on Geonosis, Anakin would never think about Jedi mortality in the same way again. Attempting to be reassuring, he said, "Wherever you go, Master, I wish you well. May the Force be with you."

Obi-Wan turned to his padawan and smiled. "Thank you, Anakin. I only regret I will not be around to complete your training." He did not just regret; he feared. Anakin's skills were prodigious, but his lack of control... Obi-Wan shook his head. They had their duty to the Order and the Republic, and in these times, they took precedence, even over his duty to his apprentice.

Anakin was much more sanguine about the prospect. "Don't worry, Master. You have done an excellent job."

I hope so. They began walking.

As they entered the Temple, Obi-Wan spoke again. "Are you ready, my young apprentice?"

Anakin swallowed; the moment of decision was rapidly approaching. "Yes, Master. I have much to answer for."

"You do, indeed. But I am very pleased with your demeanor; I see you have learned patience and self-control. This is a good sign, it means you are already on your way back," Obi-Wan said, in a voice that was strangely gentle. Normally, his tone was stern when he felt that Anakin needed guidance on one matter or another.

"Thank you, Master." They continued walking through the vast open area of the Main Hall.

"I was wondering about the Senator's recent behavior towards you. It seemed very unlike her. I wonder, has she spoken to you of it?"

Without hesitation, Anakin replied, "Yes, Master. On our way back to Naboo, we had a long conversation about things."

Obi-Wan stopped walking. He turned to face his apprentice. "Indeed? And what was the outcome of these talks?"

Anakin was not afraid of the inquiry; he had expected this, and had thought long and hard of how to respond. In a serious manner, he said, "Master, we both realize that the time we have spent together, has created a friendship where before we were acquaintances... and on occasion, a desire to be more than friends. But we have now reached an understanding of what we must be between us for the future. She has her duty, and I have mine."

Obi-Wan was surprised. Perhaps this problem is behind us once and for all? As much as Obi-Wan wanted to believe that, he still doubted; he had felt the intensity of both their desires for one another, and to think that they could simply stop their feelings in such a way... On the other hand, he didn't detect any falsehood from his padawan or the Senator, and they certainly parted in proper terms. All in all, the evidence suggested that they had indeed come to an understanding of what must be. Unfortunately, with his new duties, he would no longer be able to ensure that Anakin would continue to understand this. I must inform the Council, to keep monitoring his behavior, just in case.

An uneasy silence had arisen between them, and Anakin tried to break it. He gave him a charming grin. "Don't worry, Master. You yourself taught me that lesson; I know well enough now to remember it."

Only time will tell. But he did feel relieved; Anakin seemed much more mature and poised than he could ever remember. Warmly, he replied, "It's good to see you are finally learning to listen," he said. Anakin could sense the underlying affection in his words. It pleased him to see this side of his Master; it happened all too infrequently.

They resumed walking, going past the main stairwell. Anakin was puzzled. "Master, where are we going?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "There's no rush to have your hearing just yet, Anakin. We're going to the Medical Wing. It's long past time you received a proper replacement for your battlefield prosthetic, don't you think?"

Anakin's face brightened. "Yes, Master! Thank you, Master!" He was genuinely happy to hear this; this crude arm would not do for a Jedi. A new prosthetic would not be the same as having a real arm, but anything would be better than this mechanical monstrosity. As he tried to envision what a new arm would look like, he frowned; he began to remember his time on Naboo, and all the special things that Padmé had done to make his old prosthetic arm feel like a part of him. A beloved part... his body stirred at the memories. Quickly he clamped down on his feelings, before Obi-Wan could see through him.

Obi-Wan smiled, feeling the waves of pleasure rising from his padawan over the prospects of a new arm. But his relief was only temporary; apart from his own concerns about his upcoming duties, what Anakin would have to go through in the near future would not be pleasant for everyone involved. Will the Council expel him? He wasn't optimistic; in the past, Jedi had been expelled for lesser violations, albeit rarely. If it does happen, I will miss him greatly, he thought. Despite the unhappy circumstances in which their relationship began on Naboo, and all the ups and downs they had endured as Obi-Wan tried to guide, then reign in, his precocious apprentice, he was genuinely found of the young man. The Council is confident in its decision, he remembered. I only hope they are compassionate in their judgment as well.

The two Jedi, preoccupied with their own thoughts, continued their journey through the Jedi Temple.

Epilogue - Part One

It was late in the evening when Senator Amidala returned to her quarters. After wishing her guards good night, she sat down at her vanity and began the long process of undressing.

She was not a happy woman, for very little had gone right in the month since she had returned to Coruscant. The Supreme Chancellor and his aides were proving surprisingly stubborn with regards to providing the Senate information about the war-the goals of the Republic after the Battle of Geonosis, information about the separatists' capabilities and intentions, and most frustrating of all, almost no information on how the Republic had created such a large army and navy in so short a time. With regards to the clone army, all Palpatine had said was a vague reference to ‘the Jedi having aided in its creation.' Amidala was skeptical, but in light of the new restrictions on Senate inquiries into the war, she was unlikely to find out much more than that.

She had managed to discover a few things since coming back. She had learned that one Representative Binks had been responsible for proposing the Senate grant the Supreme Chancellor emergency powers, which authorized the creation of an army. Jar-Jar, we will need to have a talk, she thought sourly. Amidala had also confirmed that, as she feared, the Jedi were slated to take a major role in managing the war on behalf of the Republic. "They are the ones with the most experience in the proper use of force," Palpatine pointed out reasonably, and she could not disagree. But for the Jedi, traditionally a peacekeeping organization that used force only as a last resort, to be suddenly transformed into the leaders of the Republic's military filled her with great unease. Surely there were others in the Republic who could lead their armies?

She paused in the middle of releasing her hair from its braiding, wondering if her new connection to the Jedi was affecting her judgment. No, she thought firmly; this was a valid concern. As powerful and skilled as the Jedi were, there were less than ten thousand of them available to serve the galaxy. To expose them to the risks of battle when it was not absolutely necessary, when a random or lucky blow could wipe out dozens or hundreds of Jedi in a single stroke, seemed almost criminally negligent. Already this war had begun with the slaughter of over two hundred Jedi, a sacrifice as noble as it was potentially unnecessary. If only the clone army had arrived just an hour earlier!

Harshly, she tried to end this train of thought; nothing could be gained from it. Still, she couldn't help but ponder the hypotheticals-for example, would she have told Anakin she loved him, if she hadn't felt she was going to die, momentarily? Yes, she thought fiercely. It was only a matter of finding the right time. Then why did I wait so long? I was only denying the truth to myself. Padmé knew that she had loved Anakin ever since they rode that shaak together. His compassion for her, his ability to make her feel, like no one ever had... Oh Ani... Caught up in the memory of him, carnal thoughts welled up within her again. She closed her eyes and allowed the feelings to wash over her like a gentle tide...

...Memories of him on top of her, his weight holding her down, reassuring and not oppressive... His fingers and lips probing her, sparking her frenzy... Intimate moments, in secret, hidden places... Silent embraces in the afterglow of passion, where kisses and touches took the place of words...

After a while the warm, tingling feelings lifted; she returned to reality, and to her cold and lonely room. Sighing, she resumed undressing.

Having worked her way free of her attire finally, she put on her nightgown and got into bed. She smiled at the suddenly-strange feeling of her gown on her; on Naboo, neither she nor Anakin had bothered much with sleeping ware! Now, wearing a nightgown, like sleeping alone, was an unwelcome return to her past, solitary life. Every time she returned to her quarters, she had hoped that she would be more used to the fact; instead, every night her room and bed became more and more empty.

Just like I am, without Anakin. She began to sob, hating herself for it, knowing that this pining for him was pointless; for the moment, he was not part of her life, and she would just have to make do. But if she didn't yearn for him, what did she have left? Her fears? The thought of something happening to Anakin, that he would never return, brought terror to the very depths of her soul, yet she could think of nothing that would assuage her worries. Nothing I have done has worked; perhaps I need to use something of his...

She got out of the bed, went to her vanity and took out a small box from a drawer. Opening it, she removed the wooden pendant that Ani had crafted for her ten years ago. It had laid in the Naboo delegation's storage area all those years after they had first came to Coruscant; as Queen, she had left it there, filed away but forgotten. The moment she had returned to the capital she had gone to retrieve it, but since then she had refrained from putting it on, afraid of thinking about him any more than was necessary. Now, she realized that only by relying on the strength of her memories of him could she go on. Trembling, she slipped it over her neck. Memories of Ani as a little boy beckoned-it will bring you good fortune, he had said. Indeed, it brought me a husband, she thought, reverently cradling it between her fingers. She then pulled the pendant to her lips and kissed it. A wave of contentment flowed over her; her fears were still there, but now much reduced and manageable. Staring into her mirror, she was transfixed by the sight of herself wearing it. Now I am complete...

Later, when Amidala reentered her bed, she turned on the lamp next to her and began to read. She was reviewing some background material for tomorrow's meeting with Senator Saret Dallomir of Corellia, regarding a bill calling for greater Senate oversight of the war. Dallomir the Dallier... her lip curled in anger and distaste. Although he was a valuable ally and a powerful member of the opposition, Dallomir was also a notorious womanizer, who on more than one occasion had tried to curry amorous favors from her. It had been completely unacceptable before, but enduring it now was beyond intolerable. And I can't even tell him I'm married-not that that would stop him, she growled to herself. Not for the first time, she felt a strong disgust for the seedy rot that seemed to be everywhere in the Republic's government, but her sense of duty was too strong for her to just give up, as so many others had. I have to try to make the system work, especially now when I have a personal stake in it. She returned to her notes, but the words blurred in front of her eyes, blending into a hazy glow...

With a start she was awake again. Looking at the clock at her side, she realized it was far too late to be doing anymore work. Putting aside the reading materials, she turned off the lights and went to sleep.

Warm thoughts and feelings about Anakin filled her mind and dreams, as they had done so for some time. A hazy vision came to her mind: she was holding a child, their daughter, in her arms. She was beautiful, with soft brown hair like her own, and bright blue eyes, like her father. Ani was next to her, holding her, looking at their daughter with absolute love in his eyes. It was a vision which brought Padmé a sense of total peace and contentment.

In her sleep, she smiled.

Epilogue - Part Two

Anakin sat on the floor in a meditation trance, completely alone in the isolation chamber. Around him, there were no windows. From beyond, there came no sound. The chamber was completely sealed from the exterior environment; inside, there was nothing there with him but the mat he was sitting on.

He had been in here for two days. The inquiry into his actions on Tatooine had been surprisingly quick, and his punishment, if that was what it was, even more lenient. Of course, practically speaking there was not much else that could be done. Had he committed his actions in a system of the Republic, he would have been subject to all the laws and penalties of the Republic and that system. But Tatooine was a lawless outpost in the Outer Rim, beyond sanction. Tatooine itself had no central authority-unless one counted the Hutts-and the Tusken Raiders were the most isolated and outcast of all. By wiping out that tribe, there was literally no one left to claim a grievance against him. Even that would not be enough to save him from more severe sanction, but he suspected the outbreak of the Clone Wars meant that the Council's concerns were focused elsewhere. That only Master Yoda and Master Windu were present at his hearing was a sobering indication of the damage done to the Order. With the war effort swinging into full gear and the Jedi deploying across the galaxy, only so much effort could be spared for one errant padawan.

He was to spend three days alone in an isolation chamber, with only water and relief granted to him. During this time, he was to meditate on what he did wrong, why he did it, and how he would avoid repeating his mistakes in the future. Strictly speaking, he knew this was not intended as punishment. An important theme of the Jedi Code was self-correction, awareness of the import of one's actions, and acceptance of one's responsibility in carrying them out. Absent other considerations, this effort at atonement was what concerned the Jedi the most.

After all he had experienced, Anakin understood the essential wrongness of his actions. Time and time again, he had seen how his anger and fear had led him time and time again to make errant decisions, and costly ones. Costly ones... You'll pay for this, Dooku! His thoughts became increasingly disoriented, and he was forced to emerge from his trance.

Anakin looked down at his new arm. Save for a slight mismatch in texture between his normal skin and the prosthetic, it was impossible to tell the difference between it and the real thing. The Jedi would always know, of course, always be able to sense, that it was not real, but for everyone else, it would be all but indistinguishable from a normal arm. Even for Padmé. Thinking of her, he frowned.

Anakin stood up, no longer able to remain seated on the floor. He had not thought of Padmé since he had entered the chamber, yet once again a mere memory of her had sent him spinning into disarray. All of a sudden, he lost the desire to remain in this chamber, to continue doing penance. He wanted to be with her, to hold her again. But that was impossible. Setting his sights lower, he instead thought of his old prosthetic, now tucked safely away in his quarters. He smiled at the absurdity of it all: he had insisted to the Jedi healer that he be allowed to hold onto the old one. It was so beyond the healer's normal frame of reference he had simply given it to him. Then he frowned; it was not absurd at all. Why did he still hold on to it? Because to him, it was a symbol of acceptance-her acceptance of me. No one else accepts me, not really. Anakin knew that many in the Jedi Order were still mistrustful of him: of his unusual origins; his unorthodox methods; his great powers...were they also jealous? That must be it! They know I'm more powerful than any other Jedi! And they're right! One day, I will show them all what I can do-

Anakin froze, shocked that he had lost control again, and so easily. He dropped to the floor, covering his eyes with his hands.

What's wrong with me?

* * * * *

Anakin sat perfectly still in the middle of the chamber. Outwardly he was in perfect control of himself.

It was all a facade.

Inwardly, Anakin seethed. He seethed at being stuck in here, he seethed at being apart from Padmé, and he seethed at not being allowed to act on behalf of the Jedi and the Republic. He knew that outside, beyond Coruscant and the Inner Core, a war was raging. The Republic was engaged against the greatest threat in its history-itself. Internally, against greedy and venal Senators and bureaucrats, who had no interest in the common good. Externally, in the form of the traitorous separatist movement, who sought power for their own gain. They were led by a wayward Jedi, Count Dooku, who had beaten Obi-Wan, and beaten him; humiliated him, disfigured him... You'll pay for this, Dooku! Yes... He stoked his anger cautiously, carefully corralling it so that no one beyond the room would sense it, but enough that he could draw strength from it. A strange sensation permeated him, and suddenly he was aware. Puzzled, he tried to understand what he was perceiving, and then it hit him: it was a vision of the future, something which had never happened to him before. He eagerly opened himself to the possibilities...

...He was a pilot, spiraling through space, blowing his adversaries out of the sky... they tried to escape, but they were too slow... he had a lightsaber, and he was at the head of an army moving inexorably against his foes... left and right, they fell before his blade, but he could not see who they were... it was strange, they seemed to resemble himself...

A chime shocked him out of his vision; he had not heard any sound save that which he made himself in three days. Disoriented at first, he then realized his time of isolation was over. The door on the other side of the chamber opened, and Master Windu entered. Anakin bowed before him.

"Greetings, Jedi Skywalker."

"Greetings, Master Windu." Anakin stood upright as Windu appraised him.

"I trust you made the most of your time?"

"Master, I realize that my lack of control led to my fear possessing me. I allowed anger to control me, and I gave in to my basest feelings." Anakin paused to take a deep breath. "I live by the code of the Jedi. I will not fail you again."

Windu eased visibly. "That is good to hear, Anakin. Come, we have need of you."

"Yes, Master." Windu turned to leave; Anakin followed him.

* * * * *

Anakin opened the door and entered his new quarters aboard the starship. It was a bunk bed arrangement, but for now he was the only person in it, and so he had it to himself. He sat down on his bunk, and for the first time after boarding the Dreadnaught, he smiled. Most of the Jedi, including his former mentor Obi-Wan, were now leading various units of the Republic's clone army or commanding starships in the Republic's Starfleet, but he, along with a handful of other Jedi, had managed to become starfighter pilots. It was an assignment which appealed greatly to him; being at the front, going head-to-head with the enemy... in the air, at least. The memories of Geonosis were still too fresh in his mind. No, he preferred to avoid ground combat, if at all possible.

The Dreadnaught he was on was part of a large convoy that was heading out to the Corporate Sector. The sector was a hotbed of separatist support, and their mission was to attack their droid factories and shipyards. They would arrive there in seventeen days; he had until then to familiarize himself with the new Y-Wing fighter variants that were now coming into service. Training in simulations would begin tomorrow; until then, he was basically off-duty.

Tired, he prepared to go to bed. On the wall was a mirror, and Anakin paused to stare at it, appraising his features. Although he looked the same as he did the last time he saw himself, he noticed something different; something seemed out of place. He moved closer to the mirror, peering carefully, and then he saw what was wrong. Turning to his bag, he took out his shaving razor and went back to the mirror. Reaching behind his head, he unhooked his padawan braid, held it out straight. Pausing, he stared at himself yet again. Should I do this? he wondered for a long time.

Finally, he made his decision. With a swift gesture, he sliced it off.

* * * * *

There was darkness and chaos...

Anakin slept uneasily, turning from side to side. Sinister images danced before him. He saw Padmé; she was in tears. He held out his hand to her, but she ran away. He called out to her, but she shook her head; she was terrified...

...He pleaded with her to come back, to stop running, but she continued to draw away from him in fear. Suddenly, he saw a large dark figure approaching. It towered over her, yet he could not see its face. The figure lit his lightsaber and swung it down at Padmé. Screaming, he tried to stop it, but he could not. The blade struck home, and she fell. She was dying, and she held out her hand to him. "Oh Ani, why?" Her arm dropped, and she was still. Anakin screamed...

...He saw her again; she was still running from him. A smaller figure, shrouded in a black robe, was ahead of him. He raised his hands, and lightning rained down on Padmé. She screamed again, begging for Anakin to save her, but he couldn't! Why couldn't he save her? Again she fell to the ground, her beautiful body lifeless, dead...

...He was with her one last time. She was lying on the floor, and he was shocked by her shattered, broken body. Once more, Anakin called out to reach her, but she was distant, unresponsive. Her attention seemed focused on someone, or something else, but he couldn't see what it was...

...She was looking at him, now aware of him. Her voice was a whisper; he strained to hear her. At first there was nothing, but finally he could hear something...

"Ani... I love you... be good, be..." Her voice faded away, then...

...she was gone.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anakin jerked out of the bed and landed with a thud on the hard metal floor. He got up, totally disoriented, his body drenched in sweat. His breathing was rapid and shallow. He crawled about the floor, trying to center himself, but his heart was beating too rapidly, his mind still filled with the terrifying images from his sleep. Gradually he calmed himself down, enough to be able to stand. Stumbling about, he finally got to his feet. He walked back to his bed and sat down, trying to figure out what had happened.

He had been dreaming about Padmé dying... or was it a premonition? Thoughts of his mother came to him; the fear welled up from within. He considered it further, then shook his head. No, it was not an awareness of the moment, like it was on Tatooine. This was something else... elusive... a vision of the future? Was he witnessing her future death? He didn't know. Perhaps it really was just a nightmare. Even more anger rose within him; that was what Obi-Wan had said, not so long ago...

So many possibilities, so many questions, but no answers. Padmé was in danger; he was certain of it, but there was nothing he could do! He was tens of thousands of light years away from Coruscant, with no way to reach her, no way to know if she was even alive. And if she wasn't...

...He tried to dismiss the thought, but it stayed, unwelcome, poisoning his mind and soul: If she is dead, I am dead... and the galaxy will die with me. Nothing will escape my wrath...

Slowly, without a word, Anakin Skywalker laid back down on his bunk and closed his eyes. He was accompanied by a bevy of shadowy dreams.

The End

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