The Moons of Iego: The Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker Website

FAN FICTION : ATTACK OF THE CLONES ERA

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To Love is to be Human

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Disclaimer: All things in the Star Wars universe belong to George Lucas. The beginning dialogue (the first 2 lines) also belongs to George directly.

Summary: A little bridging of scenes here. I mean, let's face it, George is a marvelous storyteller, but when it comes to love stories and plot flow, he needs a little work. (I hope that didn't sound too mean.) So, I decided to post my idea of what went on that night in Tatooine. Don't get any ideas...I mean, come on, they're not even really "in love," yet. [webmiss note: gotta disagree on that bit! *g*] Anyway, please r/r and I hope you enjoyed my book long summary, as usual. ;-)

***

The setting sun shone outside the Lars' moisture farm, the sand of Tatooine glittering like jewels. A gentle breeze blew over the desert, the warm air filtering through the rooms of the farm. However, the air in the garage, below the barren surface, was heavy and still. Angry words and confessions echoed off the walls, their sound still stinging the ears of the two beings whom had heard them. The young man, who had shouted the words, sank slowly to the floor, draping his arms around his knees. The other, a young woman, sat beside him, leaning forward to speak comforting words.

"To be angry is to be human," she said softly, placing a hand on the boy's arm.

"I'm a Jedi, I know better than this," he said back, face contorting in shame. He lowered his head, the tears finally flowing down his cheeks.

Padmé Amidala's heart swelled and she placed a hand behind his head, running her fingers though his hair. The gentle sound of his crying made her guilty for the pain he had suffered, feeling that somehow his mother wasn't the only one causing him grief. She searched for something to say, something to make him stop crying, and something to stop her heart from quivering inside her chest.

He committed a mistake, just a simple mistake, she thought, his words still lingering in her memory. "I killed them, I killed them all." His beloved mother had died, and she could only imagine the sadness associated with the loss of a loved one. But then...would she have killed an entire tribe of deadly warriors?

Forcing the thoughts out of her clouded head, she slid her hand around his neck, and gently ran her fingers down his tearstained face. She tilted her head and leaned close, debating whether or not she should place a tender kiss on his cheek. Anakin turned himself closer to her, leaning into her touch. Pulling him to her, Padmé wrapped her other arm around his shoulder, pressing her palm firmly against his back. Anakin gently rested his head against her chest, hiding his face in the soft, blue material of her gown. He lifted an arm and tentatively wrapped it around her waist.

Padmé swallowed as he touched her, wanting nothing more than to hold him, but yet knew she should pull away. Don't fall in love, she told herself. You'll only hurt him more.

But I already am in love.

Without thinking, she lowered her head to his, pressing her cheek against his temple. "Just cry Ani," she said softly. "Don't be afraid to cry. I know what a great loss this has been." She turned her head and pressed her lips to his skin. "I'll stay here with you for as long as you want, I won't go anywhere, Ani."

"Thank you," he managed before his sobs overtook his voice once again.

Gently, Padmé rocked their bodies back and forth, trying her best to comfort her beloved Ani while settling thoughts of her own. How could she have been so heartless in refusing his love the night previous? Since that night, she could think of nothing else but the way his hands felt on her skin, or how his lips had felt against hers. She hadn't slept that night, unable to get his face out of her head. She could think of nothing but how her thoughts had lingered on him for ten years. There was something between them Padmé couldn't place; a feeling of mutual trust and understanding.. It is almost as though we were destined... Padmé shook her head.

Fairy Tales, she thought to herself, indignantly. She was a senator, she didn't have time to fall in love. He was a Jedi and love was forbidden by the code, no matter what Anakin thought compassion meant. No, it could never be an option for either of them.

But how she longed for it!

How she wanted to hear him call her sweet names of endearment and freely wrap his arms around her. How she wanted to kiss him every day and feel the same fire in her heart as when they kissed on Naboo. How she longed to bear him children and grow old together with him by her side. It was what she had always wanted as a girl, and even as an adult, though she tried to hide it.

Anakin moved closer, his sobs quieting slightly as he held her tighter. Padmé kissed his hair again and ran her hand up and down his arm. The unpleasant thoughts she had wished away floated back into her head and she reluctantly let them in.

Anakin had killed the entire tribe of Tusken Raiders. As much as she wanted to feel thankful for his life and welcome him home, (after all, the Sand People were a brutal species, so she had been told) she couldn't help but feel frightened.

The little boy she had met in the junk shop, so innocent and alone, had murdered these creatures. All of them. He had killed the women and the children, an act no Jedi would commit so easily, even if they were monsters. What rage could have caused such a lapse in judgment? What...madness could drive him to such anger?

Her heart began to pound in her chest as she tried to form reasons in her head. Suddenly she was afraid; afraid Anakin would jump up any moment and strike her down. She was afraid he would hurt her, and yet she was ashamed for considering such horrible thoughts. But it was true, wasn't it? What if she angered him, or insulted him, what would he do to her?

"Padmé..." was the gentle plea, drawing her out of her disturbing reverie.

Blinking quickly as she remembered where she was. "Y-yes," she stammered, pulling back enough to meet his eyes.

Anakin took a deep breath and sat up completely, pulling out of her arms. "I...I must tell you something." He turned and looked into her eyes.

"What is it?" Padmé asked, sliding closer to him, wishing she could hold him again.

His eyes remained locked steadily on hers. "I'm sorry for what I did," Anakin said softly, reaching for her hand. "If I could explain why I did it, I would Padmé. I would tell you everything." Closing his eyes tightly, he lifted her hand to his heart. "But I don't know what happened to me. I couldn't control myself, and I was so afraid."

With her other hand, Padmé covered their clasped ones and pressed them against his chest. "Ani, it's alright. I'm here now and I'm-"

"Frightened," he said suddenly, finishing her sentence. "You're frightened," he repeated softly, voice wavering as he said it. "I can feel it in you, and hear it in your heart." More tears spilled over his eyes. "And I hate myself for making you afraid of me."

Padmé's voice wouldn't come to her lips as she opened and closed her mouth, searching desperately for something to say.

Anakin lifted his other hand and pressed it against the side of her face. She lifted her eyes and bit her lip. "I promise you," he whispered fiercely, twisting his fingers in her hair, "that I will never, ever hurt you, Padmé. I would rather kill myself than harm you in any way."

Tears came to her eyes and she shook her head, still unable to speak.

"I'm so sorry for putting you through this, and I can only hope that this will not change our relationship. If my actions have..." he paused, the thoughts painful to his heart. "If my actions have ruined what we've already reestablished, I...I don't think I could live another day."

"No," she managed finally, pressing her hand more firmly against his heart. "Never."

Anakin's eyes closed tightly and he shook with more tears. "I couldn't bear to lose you too," he said, covering his face with his hands. "Not again."

Without hesitation, Padmé took him in her arms once again, whispering more comforting words into his hair. Anakin drew his knees to his chest, curling up beside her on the sandy floor. They lay like that for, what Padmé thought, were hours. However, they were hours she could never regret. His head rested tenderly on her breast, his breaths slowing and his sobs lessening to an occasional hiccup. Soon his eyes had closed, his body grew still, yet his arms remained around his love, as he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Padmé lowered her head and let her lips and nose rest against his hair. Why can't we stay here forever? She closed her eyes and fought back the urge to cry. She felt as though she was losing a love that she never had in the first place. If only I could tell him, she though mournfully. If only I could tell him that I love him.

She remembered the drop in her stomach when he first told her he was going to Tatooine. She wasn't thinking when she said, "I'll go with you," only afraid of their time together being cut short. It was the first time in years when she had felt free. In the shaak fields, rolling and running in the grass like a girl, at the retreat, remembering times long ago, and laughing at dinner. Her sister, Sola, was right. Padmé needed to fall in love. Her obligations had been with the government for so long, she had forgotten to have fun and take care of her personal needs. The only trouble was, when Anakin was with her, she didn't have to take care of herself, for he took care of her without even thinking.

And now what lay ahead of them? They were surely to head back to Naboo immediately, but what happened after they arrived? Suppose Obi-Wan had returned and Anakin was required to leave? What then? Should she tell him how she felt, or would that only hurt him more? How would she feel if she never told him? If she failed to tell him, she would have lost the only true love of her life.

Anakin groaned softly and jerked his head, pulling himself out of the darkness of slumber. Padmé sat silently, waiting for him to speak, or fall back asleep. Anakin's breaths were coming rapidly, as though he had forgotten where he was.

"How long was I asleep?" he said after a moment. "You could have left me here, you've been sitting in the dust for so long."

"I told you, I wouldn't leave you," Padmé assured him. "Besides, just because I'm a senator, doesn't mean I can't get dirty," she retorted hotly, trying to lighten his mood.

Padmé could feel Anakin smile against her chest and she let out a sigh of relief. Anakin slowly sat up and she released him from her arms. His eyes were red and swollen, dark bags hanging below his lids. He was still smiling, however, as he lifted both hands and cupped her face. "Of course not."

Padmé's own breaths came ragged as she attempted to tear her eyes away from Anakin's lips. How she wanted to kiss him now...but now was not the time...

Anakin seemed to sense her discomfort and his smile slowly faded. The previous night's agreement still hung heavy in his head. He dropped his hands from her face and clasped them in his lap as he leaned against the wall. "How long was I asleep?" he asked again, focusing on the floor.

"Not long," she answered, taking a deep breath. "Just a moment."

He remained silent and she placed a hand on his upper arm. Squeezing it gently she motioned to the doorway with a tilt of her head. "It's getting late, why don't you get some rest in your bed," she suggested.

He looked back at her, eyes sending messages to her heart that no words ever could. Nodding, Anakin stood and reached down to her, helping her off the ground. She stood in front of him awkwardly, wishing she could still be with him. Wishing that he would-

"Padmé?" he asked quietly.

"Yes?"

Anakin bit his lips. "Could you...come with me. Stay with me tonight. At least, until I fall asleep. I don't want to be alone."

Heart thumping, Padmé placed a hand on his chest "Of course."

He smiled gratefully and leaned down as if to kiss her, but pulled away once again.

She removed her hand and stood back, looking away. Her eyes met the tray of food that still remained untouched. She took it in her hands and turned to face him. "Eat something first, won't you Anakin?" Padmé asked, starting up the ramp.

Nodding, Anakin placed a hand at the small of her back and led her up the rest of the way. A breeze whipped their faces as they stepped into the barren courtyard and the sky was dark above them. Anakin began walking to his room and Padmé took a deep breath, inhaling the warm, thick air into her lungs. Perhaps I do not need to tell him how I feel, she thought as she began to follow Anakin. Looking up at his strong back and broad shoulders, she imagined the face he wore, still masked by innocence and fear. He needed her, and she needed him as well. She looked down again and tried to swallow the fluttering birds in her stomach. I may not need to tell him I love him, she thought again as they stepped inside his room, but I want to.

***

Padmé awoke the next morning feeling warm and rested. She pulled the thick wool blankets tighter around her shoulders, not wanting the cool, desert air nipping at her toes quite yet. When opening her eyes she scanned the empty room, still unaccustomed to waking up in strange places. There was a chair placed beside the bed, the over-shift of her dress folded neatly on the top.

Gasping, she sat upright up in bed. "Anakin," she whispered, remembering the previous night. He had fallen asleep shortly after he got into his bed, pulling the blankets tightly to his shoulders. She could remember him as he looked up at her in the dark, the moonlight from his window reflecting into his eyes. He was so scared then, clasping her hand tight in his until his eyelids gently drooped. Padmé had drifted to sleep soon after he had, but that had been in the chair.

Padmé placed a hand over her rapidly beating heart, hoping Anakin was alright and had not left again. Quickly, she slid out of the bed, taking the blue fabric in her arms. She hurried to her room, across the hall and changed into her clothes for the day.

Tired of rushing around in tight fitting dresses, Padmé pulled on her white jumpsuit, normally worn in more active environments, but she wanted to be comfortable and conservative. After all, they were leaving and she expected some sort of memorial service for Anakin's beloved mother. She wrapped a white utility belt around her waist and pulled a heavy knit shawl over her shoulders.

When she had bushed her hair and pulled it tight into coils, twisting them at the base of her neck, Padmé hurried out into the rest of the house. Already the sun was shining, and the heat rose from the sand. Beru was placing the table for their morning meal across the courtyard. "Beru?" Padmé called, waving good morning.

The girl nodded with a smile and motioned for Padmé to sit down. "The food is almost ready," she said and started to go to the kitchen once more. "Take a seat."

"Wait," Padmé called after her. "Have you seen Anakin this morning?"

Beru turned around and pointed up the stairs. "He was up early with Owen to check the evaporators then came back to..." she paused, "get things ready for his mother. I saw him go up to the surface a few minutes ago."

Padmé smiled gratefully. "Thank you Beru."

It was only moments before Padmé had climbed out of the entrance again, stepping out onto the windblown sand. She scanned the horizon for a familiar silhouette but did not have to look further than a few meters in front of her.

Anakin stood facing the desert, his deep brown cloak billowing around him as the wind blew across the barren land. His sandy hair shone golden in the sun and it ruffled as the breeze caught it as well. Padmé hurried towards him but stopped suddenly when the sound of his voice broke the silence.

"I moved you when I got up this morning," he said, standing where he was, back still facing her. "You fell asleep in your chair." Anakin turned his head, and Padmé was barely able to meet his eyes. "And you looked cold."

"Thank you," she said softly, bowing her head. "And you, did you sleep well?"

He shrugged. "As well as can be expected," he said, looking back to the desert, as if waiting for his mother to come back to him.

Padmé took a tentative step forward, wanting the possessive feeling of having him in her arms once more. Even though her conscious mind had only been deprived of him for a short moment, she had missed him last night in her dreams. They had been cold, frightening, and sad. With reluctance she realized how emotionally attached they had become. She scolded herself for thinking such thoughts. I refused his love, she reminded herself. He doesn't need this turmoil right now.

But...does he need me?

Anakin seemed to shift uncomfortably in his position, as if he too wanted her to hold him. "And you?" he asked suddenly.

"What?"

Slowly, he turned around, facing her fully. His cloak fluttered behind him as he took a few steps towards her. His eyes were still red and blotchy, as if he had recently been crying. "Did you sleep well?" he asked again, rephrasing the question.

"Oh," Padmé shrugged. "I don't really remember." Smiling she added, "I guess that's a good sign."

Anakin's lips curved slightly in a small smile. "Yes," he said simply, nodding and returning his eyes to the sand below them.

Padmé bit her lip and stepped closer still, placing her hand on his chest. "Are you...alright, Ani? Is there anything you want to...well...talk about again?"

Shaking his head, Anakin placed his hands on the side of her shoulders and ran them up and down several times. "No," he said, forcing a full smile and dropping his arms back to his side. "I think I'm fine for now. Thank you."

Feeling slightly rejected, Padmé nodded her head in understanding. "You're welcome." Their eyes lingered for another moment before she broke their stare, suddenly afraid of its intensity. "Well, I won't bother you. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind." She turned to walk away, inwardly disappointed. A gentle grip on her wrist held her back and she heard a soft voice say,

"Wait."

Turning back around quickly, she looked hopefully up at Anakin. "Yes?"

"Don't go. Not just yet," Anakin pleaded, sliding his hand down to hers. He squeezed it within his own. "I...i like having you here with me."

Padmé couldn't help but smile as she walked back to him, taking her place at his side. "I like being here with you too."

"You calm me," he said, looking down at their hands. "You give me a sense of inner peace."

Smiling she swung their hands between them. "I do all that?"

Anakin smiled back. "And more."

As his words met her ears, Padmé's smile slowly faded and all the thoughts she had forced away since that night in the lodge came crashing back inside her head. All of Anakin's polite, witty, and heartfelt statements had been a mere proclamation of his love, and every time they escaped his lips, she did her best to shut them away. Now her heart was too weak with her own love to shut them away, afraid it would freeze and break to pieces.

They stood at an arm length for a moment, staring intently into each other's eyes. Padmé was unsure how to act; afraid to be close, and terrified to run away. Anakin needed no words however, as he quickly pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly, as he had before riding off on the swoop bike a few nights earlier. Padmé struggled in his grip, unsure if she could hold him equally as tight. His head nestled at the crook of her neck, breaths coming in short gasps.

"I'm so glad you're here with me Padmé," he murmured into her ear. "I don't think I could have made it through last night alone."

"Oh Ani," she sighed, placing a hand at the back of his head. "I shall always be with you when you need me. Always."

***

And once again I strike with an Anakin and Padmé romance. Oi. Well, this is my interpretation of what happened between scenes in Attack of the Clones. I mean...why else would she put on a jumpsuit after wearing dresses the whole movie. Hmm...what a coincidence they actually went into battle. Lol. So yeah, I've got a few more things up my sleeves. Hope y'all like this one. Thanks for reading!

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