The Moons of Iego: The Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker Website

FAN FICTION : ATTACK OF THE CLONES ERA

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Gravity

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This was originally part of another fic I wrote a while back ('Sleep Well, Milady'), but I decided to cut it because it wasn't exactly critical to the rest of the story. However, I still like the way it came out enough that I figured I may as well publish it as its own little ficlet.

This can be considered a companion piece to 'Sleep Well, Milady,' the moments leading up to when Anakin enters Padmé's room, from his POV. It's almost purely an introspective piece.

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When he opened his eyes from his meditation trance, it was to find the top edge of the fiery globe that Coruscant orbited slipping under the uneven horizon, smearing a bloody coral across the sky as it fell.

That had been one of the first things he ever remembered: a sunset on a different world than this one, viewed from the enfolding comfort of a mother's lap. Even after the second sun had vanished under the razor-straight horizon, he could still see the remnants of that glowing ball, feel the warmth from both of them in the wind across his face, long after he could no longer see its source.

A corner of his lip quirked upward slightly as he looked at the last visible rays of red down the narrow gaps between two nearby monoliths. It seemed that suddenly his mind found a way to relate everything he thought about back to Padmé, as inevitably as gravity pulls something thrown in the air to the ground again.

Since he'd first heard of their new assignment this morning, including the half-hour he'd been standing guard here while awaiting Obi-Wan's return from the building security check with Padmé's security chief, she'd filled his thoughts, memories old and new flowing together in a seamless whirl as if the last ten years without her had never happened.

The surprised, amused smile as she'd first ever set eyes on him in Watto's. Her face shining out adoringly from among the Mos Espa throng after he'd won the Boonta Classic. Her smile cutting straight through the layers of royal makeup at him during the parade... the kiss on his cheek as they'd said goodbye in the Palace gardens. Seeing that graceful figure stride his way for the first time in ten years, then turning and saying his name with that same surprised, amused look as before (and perhaps, he hoped, a little more than that)...

In his meditative state, his self opened to every eddy of the Force that flowed through and around this apartment, the energy from her presence resonated through it louder than ever, a music that Anakin found it even more difficult to not lose himself in than ten years before. He found it hard to believe that even if he weren't already aware of her being there, he still wouldn't realize she was there. It was as if her presence were coded in some part of him, and the sudden proximity to her made that part resound like - like a homing beacon, really, that had finally returned to its source.

As he had grown his feelings had as well - stronger every time he thought of her, and with it the certainty that he would see her again. Where in his Jedi training he often had to fight to scrape enough patience to get through a certain area of discipline, this part of him had not felt such frustration. He knew he would grow up, and one day be old enough that she could no longer dismiss his affections behind the pretense of his young age.

He believed twenty was old enough.

Now, he had finally seen her again. And the fire in his heart and mind had flared higher than even he had expected, further affirming the dream he'd believed for half his life. That Padmé Amidala was in fact the better part of his soul, the one he had been made for. The one he would - somehow, rules of the Code be damned - marry one day.

That dream that was in something very closely resembling a state of limbo right now. Although admittedly, he reminded himself, it was still very early. In their one exchange she'd both raised his hopes and - quite efficiently - cut them down. And now she'd covered her security cameras in her bedroom and refresher, the ones that she'd known had been there for years. (Obi-Wan would be furious at that, even though her actions in Anakin's opinion didn't really hamper his own ability to sense any danger that would come near her. He'd sooner cut off his own leg than let anything happen to her, so this behavior was more an oddity than a concern to him.) He certainly knew what he hoped that behavior hinted at, that signs like the approval in her voice and sparkle in her eyes in her first look-over of him hadn't been imagined...

(My goodness, you've grown!)

He wanted nothing more than to just go and knock on her door, to have her answer, smiling and greeting him with the warmth she'd shown when she'd first seen him, but without the belittling comments. He wanted her to embrace him like when he was younger, knowing now she'd fit perfectly beneath his chin if he held her close. He wanted those gleaming eyes to look up at him, as she said...

(You'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine...)

He sighed, any lingering intent to meditate evaporated. She evidently hadn't felt such nostalgia or desire for his presence. Grudgingly, Anakin decided he couldn't blame her, trying not to feel too stung about her seeming avoidance of him. Her own odd behavior with the cameras aside, he knew he was still a reminder of the security she loathed, and an independent will like Padmé's could only be grateful for any lack of reminder that such arrangements existed, that at this very moment that net of security was being tightened even more. The image formed in his mind of a peko moth in the web of a Grolian arachnid - beautiful, the web around her thickening and smothering her the more she struggled...

Padmé deserved far better. She was right - they needed to know more about what they were up against. What good was more security if they didn't even know what they were protecting her from? Anakin knew this agreement between the two younger people nettled Obi-Wan - although given the freshness in his memory of their disagreement (in front of Padmé!), Anakin found he wasn't much pitying any annoyance his Master might feel. (Even if he had been out of line, Anakin thought, did Obi-Wan have to call him on it right there?) If anything, knowing that even at this early stage he and Padmé so passionately agreed on this crucial subject was very encouraging. That it also irritated Obi-Wan was, he decided, simply an amusing side benefit.

Thinking about Padmé, about how important this duty in keeping her safe was, was far preferable to the raw redness that bloomed over his mind if he thought too much about the fact of why he was here at all. Someone out there very much wanted his angel dead, had already almost succeeded once in trying - and as yet his and Obi-Wan's entire duty in protecting had consisted of sitting and waiting for them to try again.

It was also preferable to the other unpleasant ghost at the back of his mind, the one with his mother's anguished face and eyes that surfaced every time he dreamed. A beseeching ghost who dissipated every time Anakin reached for her, lately feeling disturbingly more real than the similar hauntings he'd had from time to time in the years since he'd left Tatooine.

At least they left him awake to watch over Padmé.

No, Padmé probably wouldn't want to see him in his security function, which had been the safest pretense he could think of for visiting her now. But what about as just himself? As Anakin?

My caring for you will remain...

Shesa happy. Happier than mesa seen her in a longo time...

She was pleased to see us...

He held before his mind's eye the memory of sparkling eyes and bright smile as she'd recognized him, cupping it gently in an imaginary palm. The warmth and light from that memory trickled from that palm all through him, and the ghosts of his mother and a lifeless Padmé recoiled away from that light back into the dark corners of his mind.

After however long it took he and Obi-Wan to complete their assignment here - or rather, Anakin thought, frowning, whenever the Council decided they were finished - he would be separated from her again, and who knew how long it would be until something happened to cross their paths again? They'd finally crossed again for a reason. He wasn't going to waste this chance.

Tentatively, Anakin focused on the currents of the Force in Padmé's room to check - after all, it would do no good to visit her if she were no longer awake...

At that moment a ripple in the Force from that direction surprised him as he heard the low hiss of doors opening, and footsteps coming down the curved corridor behind him from Padmé's room. He turned. Not the person he wished, but he soon found that detail didn't matter.

Padmé's handmaiden Dormé exchanged a light bow with him, the hem of her floor-length nightgown rustling lightly as she did so. Her pretty almost-but-not-Padmé face was lined with tension, as if she didn't exactly approve of whatever reasoning had sent her here, which heightened Anakin's curiosity and hope all the more.

"My Lady wishes to speak with you," she said delicately, showing no sign she noticed any of the surprise that shot through the Padawan standing before her. "If you will, come with me."

Anakin was quite perfectly willing.

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